Sit here and cry

Scalding water burns my skin down to the very depths of my bones.
I'm sitting,
Head in between my knees in the shower and I let it fall down on me;
Drowning out any last bit of strength I have.
I don't know how I got here.
I do actually;
If I want to be a smart Alec but that's not what I mean.
I don't know how I got HERE;
Hugging my legs to my chest as I soundlessly sob through the steam clouding the very bathroom
In which seems to be the only safe haven
I have right now.
I can feel my body shaking but I can't hear anything except
the sound of water hitting ceramic tub.
My vision blurs but
at this point I'm not even sure if it's from the water itself or my own hot tears.
I was fine an hour ago...
What happened?
I close my eyes and your face burns over my eyelids;
I blink several times in an attempt to make the image go away.
For the first time in months,
I look down at the scars
on my forearm and crave the sweet release of my blade.
Good thing I didn't bring a razor up.
The urge is so strong
But all I seem to be able to do is sob harder at the fact that you've managed to break me like this;
After months and months of helping me build myself back up until
I finally gave up the safety of my knife.
Feeling empty and betrayed;
I can do nothing but sit here and cry.