Valerie the Trout

In the deepest, bluest river lived a family of fish
Where one day the youngest, Valerie, got gave a special wish
She said, "get me out of here, we're eaten up because we're trout
So my wish is to be human, grant it please, I just want out"

And so the wish for her was granted and she wed her Captain Kirk
But then like Branson's air balloon it just was never gonna work
Because the elf that gave the wish was full of tiny little defects
Any wish that he would grant would come with various side effects

You see she turned out small and fat, like Willy Wonka's Oompah Loopah
And her accent's all mixed up, sounds like she comes from Kuala Lumpar
She's got silvery-grey hair, not the requested blondey-gold
But worst of all she's very ugly and she's very, very old

She then turned absolutely bitter and became awfully sad
Going through fits of depression which then in turn made her go mad
The only possible solution was to get a wish reverse
But when the elf man learnt of this he thought it totally perverse

Although he did try to assist he still just could not make the grade
He made a rather good attempt to make her look like a mermaid
She sort of seemed to like the look but still retained a little doubt
The elf then changed it all around, now she's a babe that smells of trout

And so the story ends with Valerie giving birth to her new daughter
But she did not go to E&R, instead straight to the water
Now she feeds her new babe daily, dirty worms and garden weeds
And specialises too on soaking bread and little poppy seeds