Drawing the World

by Juls   Oct 2, 2006


Let me tell you what i did today
I drew the world
I drew it how it seemed when
I was just a little girl

How the sun always shined
How I always stood up tall
Even when the rain came
I never let my smile fall

All I thought about was the day
Never what the future held
Or what was in my way
I put one foot forward

How I drew the world today
With smiles all around
I should have known than
Those smiles would turn to frowns

Let me tell you a secret
I miss the world how it was
How I woke up each day
Just caring what was for lunch

Those times has changed
The drawing has too
The pencil marks are fading
The world seems just blue

*not the best I could have done, I haven't wrote in a long time so give me Little slack

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  • 17 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    I am glad it doesn't say gay anymore. I have a suggestion:

    Those times "have" changed
    The drawing "has changed" too
    The pencil marks are fading
    The world "just seems so" blue

    I think it flows better with a couple tweaks. You don't have to of course, I just thought I'd suggest.

  • 17 years ago

    by ღtheღcrunkღpirateღ

    Wow you said it wasnt your best, i havent read any of your other work yet but i really enjoyed this :) great work
    xx

  • 17 years ago

    by Ruthie

    Hey sweetie pie! good work 4 a first back hey :) I hate it when u like ur poem but there are just some parts that r like crap... and others ur like whoo they're cool.. anywhoo. keep working on it girly. *hugs*

    Ruthie xoxo

  • 17 years ago

    by Kristina

    It was good. i really liked it a lot. but there was one line i didnt like at all

    I put one foot forward feeling gay

    it just doesnt fit right and i dont like the world "gay" i think it makes it sound weird in the poem. that might be just me, but i think you should change it. other than that its fine and its a really good poem 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Poetvoices

    Hey babe! Not bad! It's good! The only thing was the grammar typos. Everyone makes 'em, but I hate it when no one tells me!! Well, one was "Those times has changed". It was a bit difficult to read, but it may not have been a mistake at all. I know it SURELY seems like something I would do for either sound effect or imagery, but I'm a weirdo! Anyway, 4/5, and keep it up! STAY SHARP!
    Love, PV

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