Watch them cry

Now this was incredibly good. The word-choice was fantastic. It all helped to create a dark, spooky, depressing atmosphere: which I love! I thought the flow was really good, too.

Excellent work.

[*this is not supposed to offend anyone
plz tell me what you think, i don't know if it's good or not.
thank you love Gabriella ]

^^I didn't quite understand why this would offend anyone. And if it did, you have a right to stand your ground and put your opinion into your own writing.

But personally, I thought it was great. There was description and somewhat of a flow to go by, and most of all, it had purpose. A lot of people in this world live in third world countries, or developing countries and they don't have the chances that people in developed countries have. There are a bunch of sweat shops and everything as well. I thought your point was well done.

The flow in the last stanza didn't quite fit I didn't think. For me it didn't at least. It might be because the 3rd line is the ending of a sentence or something. I dunno how it could really be improved, I was just pointing something out lol.

But other than that, I thought it was very well written. =) Keep it up. 5/5 xxoo

Samantha

A great write deep and dark, i suppose, it is a good poem, nice job,
nessa

I really can't understand how it is offensive in my opinion I enjoyed it I mean the poem lol it was really nice and I think you did an exceelent job nice words too by the way 5/5

I loved it!! so full of emotion! its different then the ones i usually read! but good write again! 5/5