Comments - My Lonely Angel

Dave at 2008-08-12

Wow that was extremly beautiful and sad
I loved it the flow was perfect wicked job mate!

BREE aw NUHH ( F P C D ) at 2008-08-12

First things first -- you misspelled "Lonely" in your title. :O

"My eyes conceal such heartbreak
Tales of carnage now descend
So afraid and very Broken
Heaven mocks me once again"

-- I thought this was beautiful. It opened the piece wonderfully. However, in the third line, "Broken" shouldn't be capitalized.

"Angel cant you hear me?
Are my tears just in vain?
If I end this hell right now
Will I see you once again?"

-- Wow. The rhyming here was brilliant. But in the first line, "cant" should be "can't".

"Tell me can you see me?
I'm losing this twisted game
This life holds no more beauty
Yet so much loss and pain"

-- Ah! That's amazing! Those last two lines.. blew me away! My word. I love love LOVE those lines! Beautiful!

"Cradle me softly as I sleep
My angel I need you so
Past this grave I cannot see
These memories forever flow"

-- Aw. This is sad. All this person wants to see is their angel, who if I'm not mistaken, has passed away? So sad. :[

"I'm so sorry my lonely angel
I know I promised to try
Will you be here next to me?
As my life now passes by"

-- Wow. This last stanza is very, very strong. It holds so much emotion. I love this.

*Overall; you did a really good job. I liked the rhyming, and I thought it flowed well.

Five out of five.

``Briana

[ Praised by Nobodys Hero | Approved by PnQ Mod Account ]

Jack at 2008-08-13

Wow that was sad, it's really good though!
The flow was nice to follow and each word pulled me into a sorrowful state. Amazing!

Dominique at 2008-08-13

I like that its good

Michael D Nalley ( F P C D ) at 2008-08-13

This poem reaches many levels of love with its heavenly metaphors. I love this one

5>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Am I your Vampire ( F C ) at 2008-08-15

Its a asome poem man 5/5 by far you earned it ^^

Jack XD at 2008-08-15

Brilliant its in the top rated list! =]
Wicked job

Techno Ninja at 2008-08-17

Cant believe youv'e got some 1 linners on here! This is an awsum poem, i dont quite agree with kyo about the song thing, i think this makes a brilliant poem =]

undying blusher ( F P C D ) at 2008-08-17

Beauty.
Truth.

Well done.

Crow ( F P C D ) at 2008-08-17

How tragic yet beautifully written. I think many people can realte to this poem. 5/5

*^*Crow*^*

Karl Wild AKA GodsGift ( F P C D ) at 2008-08-18

I thought the poem was very heartfelt and touching. Nicely written 5/5 GG23

Martha ( F P C ) at 2008-08-18

I understand completely what you mean and it reminds me a lot of my poem "your angel" you should check it out. nice job!

Torn and Patched ( F P C D ) at 2008-08-18

"Cradle me softly as I sleep
My angel I need you so
Past this grave I cannot see
These memories forever flow"
My favorite lines. They fit together. I can relate to these most of all.

The end, I found it a little weak. It needs a little more, power. I will walk away from this unsatisfied.
I like the rest of this piece. Just one little issue, the vocabulary, sometimes its creative, sometimes it is plain. Just work on that.
Other than all of this, i love this poem. It's beautiful.

lexie

Ria~Bird of prey ( F C D ) at 2008-08-18

I really like the first stanza,the rest of the poem gives the impression of lyrics..It flows kinda fast,made me think it's like made to be a song

O Kol0ur K1d X ( F P C D ) at 2008-08-18

I think this is a very detailed and beautifully written piece.. I think it could be even better if you put more detail, length and more depth into the wordings...
more creativness perhaps, but other then that it was nice and very modest

AblissfulDREAMER ( F C D ) at 2008-08-20

The flow here was just flawless! It made the poem so much more interesting to read and was clear in my mind. I could feel the emotin you expressed and nothing seemed forced or out of place here making this poem a wonderful read.

Well done.
*5/5*

Kimidakeni ( F P C ) at 2008-09-13

A wonderful poem. very creative! i loved the rhythm, it all fit so well. the title was perfect also. this poem was different, very unique. these are the kinds of poems i enjoy reading the most. you did an excellent job on this. keep writing! 5/5.

-Ashlei.

Marcus blake ( F P C ) at 2008-10-02

"This life holds no more beauty
Yet so much loss and pain"

I liked this part keep it up 5/5

reJoyce ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-02

Hey this was incredible. i thought i was reading an tradgically beautifully story that flowed and then i realized the flow rhymed as well. Perfectly. And i feel your pain, i wish my angel would console me in my dark times like right now! lol but seriously wonderful. I like how it wasn't just a cliche unhappy ending with pessimism. Questions are the honest way to end when you dont know. When you find the hope to end it happily with confidence though, dont hold back. keep in touch i will be reading your other works if you wouldnt mind continuing to read mine. keep writing.

Marc Ortiz ( F P C D ) at 2008-10-06

Well, we have the same style in writing *well I think* I have a poem that is simillar to this poem.

Anyway,

My eyes conceal such heartbreak
Tales of carnage now descend
So afraid and very broken
Heaven mocks me once again

= Excellent opener.

If I end this hell right now
Will I see you once again?

= Great emotions here!

I'm so sorry my lonely angel
I know I promised to try
Will you be here next to me?
As my life now passes by

= great ending. Keep up the good work.

Thanks for the comment on my poem.


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