Seventeen Years Of Rage

The flow does indeed at glance seem a little chaotic...but it seems to be a wonderful stylistc flare to this wonderful peice of work.

Whoa. Long lines. [takes a breath and digs in.] :].

"This attempted murder of my soul has built up white rage"
^^^
[I love the beginning line. It's a fantastic eye-grabber. (Which is important! =].]
"I've tried consuming compassion, but the taste is too tart"
^^^
[Uh-oh, cliche rhymes. I really dislike that, I must be honest. =/. Sorry, Gorgeous.]
"I'm just a shadow in your mind, an itch you can't scratch"
^^^
[Though this is an amazing line, I want you to check for me to make sure you didn't accidently hear it from somewhere. The "itch you can't scratch" part sounds <really> familure, and I don't want you banned for plaggerism. Perhaps just reword it a bit?]
"I'm singing this song with a melody of gashes and knives"
^^^
[I love this line. It's so raw and full of truth and emotion.. Brilliantly penned.]
[Also, there was cliche rhyming in the second stanza again.. Not good. It weaks the poem, for me, anyways.]
"I've endured your negligence for seventeen dejected years"
^^^
["Negligence"? Is that a word? If it is, forgive me. And as for "dejected years" I love the wording.]
"You're frightened by my intellect, you thought had not aged"
^^^
[When I first read it, this line didn't make sense to me. It does now that I reread it, but it was a little confusing at first.]
"Your sweet atrocious girl is not leaving her emotions caged"
^^^
[Nice tie-up of the stanza. I really liked this line.]
"I'll wave a blissful good-bye, with my violent stained hands"
^^^
[I love that they're "violent stained" hands instead of a cliche color. Very nicely thought out. ^.^]

Overall, a good job, once again. The flow wasn't too bad, except for maybe two places. Nothing to delete it over, though.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5

Mellifluous

I had to look this one up, smooth.

I think you a great writer and deserving of a stand ovation. and I bow before greatness. and surrender to the strong minded. 5/5

I personally like the flow and feel of this piece. I think that if it was too structured it would take away from the feeling and from the actual message of the poem.

Your word choice was brilliant. The imagery and effect it created was great. Also, the emotions and anger radiating within this piece was amazing. (Like, I couldn't relate this poem to my own life at all but when reading this I felt like I was in your shoes).

I'm not usually into dark type poetry but you caught my attention with the title and kept it till the last line. 5/5

Alyssa. x