He Got What He Deserved

by Perfectly Broken   Mar 17, 2008


And he gets what he deserved
But no satisfaction has entangled
She knows he'll understand
This kind of pain's not spangled

Maybe now he'll truly note
The pain she has endured
When darkness just bled through
And happiness became obscured

And now he'll understand
How apologies don't work
That time won't heal all wounds
Once one has gotten so hurt

That for some strange reason
Forgiveness cannot be unseen
For love is too deep
And feelings are obscene

He got what he deserved
To wonder about the words unspoken
And finally understand what it is like
To be so dejected, so heart broken

My first write. Is it any good?

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Sarah

    Your first write, any good?????

    Damn! It's better then good!

    Your amazing!!!! The whole thing flowed perfectly and was extremely sad. It hurt me deep inside while reading your beautiful poem. You created a very exclusive piece here. Thank you for sharing a wonderful piece with us, poets.

    ^^5/5^^

  • 16 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    "Whence one has gotten so hurt."
    ^^^
    Whence makes no sense here. I'd replace it.

    Honestly, if it's your first write, I won't rag on you too hard.
    But I'll give you some pointers.
    If you're going to rhyme, make it a consist rhyme. (a,b,a,d throughout the entire poem or don't rhyme at all.)
    Punctuation does wonders; it really helps the flow.
    And put some <feeling> into it. Make me feel what <you> felt.

    I hope those are little starting helpers. Keep trying. And remember to always write from the heart.

    xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 3.5

  • 16 years ago

    by ECILA ice

    Your words and your ideas are very well you created your own unique powerful ambiance which i'm pretty sure more people can relate with.. being rejected. great work!! keep it up!!

  • 16 years ago

    by Kaila

    I loved this poem for a first poem it was amazing and it really caught my attention I love young writers (like me) because it inspires me and proves we have a say this poem was flawless and really went with my mood nice job
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by SH3S fiNAllY H3R3 l0V3 U N3NA

    This poem was absolutely amazing. It showed so much feeling and the flow worked perfect. Good job! 5/5

    .:CiNdY:.

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