Not Good Enough For Truth Or Cliche

by Tammie   Mar 17, 2008


It was the view and the secrets and the lip gloss we shared,
Just to gain insight for a day.
So does knowing what you do fill your songs like you said I would?
'Cause a long embrace and a hard goodbye kept me going for so long,
But then again, I always knew the end was at the very beginning.
Laced fingertips are the nicest shade of blue this time of night,
Yet I was the one promising I'd paint them a safe shade of red.
Much like the colour your cheeks turned when intoxicated words flew back;
And kissed you fair on the mouth,
Just so you could dare to weave another intricate lie
In the corner of my favourite cupboard.
And I find it almost amusing how I enlighten things,
Like when I trapped that firefly in your cup,
Just to see if you'd notice the difference,
And to see if your words would still be so dark,
Not expecting to be so deceived.

Now I'm left with empty songs and a dirty cupboard;
Just to say I'm safe and you're gone.

    report violation
0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Melpomene

    I've read this piece before and I really thought I had commented it. Sorry.

    Now, I found this piece to be alot different from you hun. Mainly with the structure. Though I did like it and found it to be quite unique and interesting. I adore seeing different structured poems some of my favorite writers on this site create different ones and it seems as though you've mastered that sd you kept the flow smoothe and on course.

    I must say I adored your word choice throughout this. Really vivid which made the images stand out in my mind. Not only did just place vivid words in here and there you actually used them throughout

    sentences. "Laced fingertips are the nicest shade of blue this time of night" -Beautiful

    That line truely caught my attention and kept my thoughts wondering into a place like this. A stunning line.

    "Yet I was the one promising I'd paint them a safe shade of red."

    Another beauty of a line you portrayed here. Definitly a gem. I liked how you were writing the piece here. Your poetry always amazes me how you can talk to someone within them. I've seen many people try and do that but they never pull it off. So well done.

    "Just so you could dare to weave another intricate lie"

    The emotion portrayed within this was heart wrenching yet oh so gorgeous. I can't explain how I felt in a way which will make sense but hopefully you will understand me, after all complex minds think alike. The emotion was deep and touched my heart though I found it to be beautiful as it mezmirized my thoughts completely. All I was focused on was this piece. Not the things which surround me.

    You ended this pieces nicely. I found my interest to keep from start until finish and my thoughts and images just flowed from my mind afterwards. I had to take a brake before I began commenting and just sit because of the beauty you have etched into my heart.

    This definitly deserves a 5/5 from me. Loved it. Keep up the great work.

    ~Mel

  • 17 years ago

    by Whitney

    Good way of showing ur emotions!!!!!

  • 17 years ago

    by Stephanie

    "It was the view and the secrets and the lip gloss we shared,
    Just to gain insight for a day."
    - i'm in love with these first lines. They got my creative side going and they really made me.... think. [Not that I don't always think. lol] You truly did an amazing job beginning the poem.

    "So does knowing what you do fill your songs like you said I would?
    'Cause a long embrace and a hard goodbye kept me going for so long,"
    - So heartbreaking, but I know that I've been able to relate to this one before. Lovely.

    "But then again, I always new the end was at the very beginning."
    - 'new' should be 'knew'. :)

    "Laced fingertips are the nicest shade of blue this time of night,
    Yet I was the one promising I'd paint them a safe shade of red."
    - I love your usage of 'laced fingertips' - very creative. And the imagery and your use of color in this one was beautiful.

    "Much like the colour your cheeks turned when intoxicated words flew back;"
    - a phenominal comparison you created here. i like it.

    "And kissed you fair on the mouth,
    Just so you could dare to weave another intricate lie
    In the corner of my favourite cupboard."
    - see.. most people I know wouldn't understand this, they truly wouldn't. But to me it makes perfect sense. Truly beautiful.

    "Now I'm left with empty songs and a dirty cupboard;
    Just to say I'm safe and you're gone. "
    - [BAM.] That's what your ending did to me - it was absolutely perfect. It tied up the poem nicely and made it end with a bang.

    Phenominal job. Overall: 5.5
    -- Steph. xx

  • 17 years ago

    by JEFF

    Very strong feelings and emotion. great poem. 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Viola

    Oh my, I LOVE this. You've taken all the complication, mistakes, false hope, promises, need for understanding, and stong love you get from many relationships and put it it all together beautifully in a poem. I love the metaphors. The whole firefly in his cup is genoius. Very beautiful and descriptive. Fits very well. Everything about this poem amazes me. It's is such a great piece. The ending ties it all together and lets us know what we're left with once that relationship you grew to depend on for so long is gone. Great work. Keep it up! =]
    --Viola

Read All Comments (7)

More Poems By Tammie