Cut

Shes happy.
For those couple seconds the blade cuts through her skin,
shes so happy,
nothing in the world could bring her down.
She sees the blood drip down the drain
and knows shes not crazy,
she really is hurting,
its not just "all in her head".
For once shes not numb.
Nothing makes sense,
but nothing has to for those couple seconds.
The guilt kicks in,
so she gives in,
again and again, deeper and deeper,
until all she can feel is the pain.
Because the pain feels so much better than everything else,
so much better than life.
For those couple seconds,
she isnt scared.
She doesnt have to be,
the pain blocks out the fear.
She sometimes wishes it were never over,
she never had to put the blade down,
she could cut a million times,
just so everything else would fade away.
Because, maybe, if she cut enough,
she wouldnt be so afraid to die...