Did I ruin it for you, Reader?

by StandStill   Apr 17, 2008


Hide-and-seek hearts
have a mind of their own
playing childish games
hopscotch and telephone

Days when we were younger
shooting the cool breeze
back before my heart got this way
back before the rain-filled freeze

Skipping down the lane
friends, arm in arm
but friends are blind, don't you see?
blinded by my witty charm

Reader, did you forget?
how The End doesn't mean it's done
just means it was a happy pause
with heroes riding into the sun

Oops, did I just ruin it?
Did I tell you fairies aren't real?
perhaps another shattered innocence
tell me, how does that make you feel...

Hope you aren't devastated
when I tell you the things you used to play
were only the stuff of dreams
and makebelieve always goes away

So open your eyes, Reader
and watch your innocence tear away
and now reality fills that void
and, honey, it's here to stay

**thanks for the spelling corrections, everyone. ^.^**

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by HidinVictim

    WOW this is great, kinda sad but wierd enough puts made me chuckle... i absolutly loved your ending

    Oops, did I just ruin it?
    Did I tell you fairies aren't real?
    perhaps another shattered innocence
    tell me, how does that make you feel...

    Hope you aren't devastated
    when I tell you the things you used to play
    were only the stuff of dreams
    and makebelieve always goes away

    So open your eyes, Reader
    and watch your innocence tear away
    and now reality fills that void
    and, honey, it's here to stay

    hehe the 1st stanza i have here is amazing, sad, and indearing, but still kinda humerous the way you worded it great job... 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Lover Boii

    I really liked it, the rhyme scheme was great.

  • 11 years ago

    by Peace And Dinos

    I loved this poem because it is true.

    we dont live in a land of make belioeve
    we live in reality.

    thats why i like your poem because you are saying it like it is.

    the title was exellent to because it caught my eye on the first glance.

    Very Original

    Lovely <3

  • 11 years ago

    by CalGirl

    OMG ! ur on the home page!!!!!!
    This is so AMAZING!!!
    10/5!!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Nix

    First of all title is great, it is truly eye-catching and original.

    -Hide-and-seek hearts
    have a mind of their own
    playing childish games
    hopscotch and telephone-

    ^Very direct opening lines, they amazed me, each line posses so much creativity and interesting descriptions.

    -Days when we were younger
    shooting the cool breeze
    back before my heart got this way
    back before the rain-filled freeze-

    ^This is very refreshing, I admire the compact construction of this picture, you said so much with little words.

    -Skipping down the lane
    friends, arm in arm
    but friends are blind, don't you see?
    blinded by my witty charm-

    ^Another incredible stanza, it is so detail and it kept my attention with each word, third line have such powerful twist.

    -Reader, did you forget?
    how The End doesn't mean it's done
    just means it was a happy pause
    with heroes riding into the sun-

    ^Simply breathtaking lines, I really can feel so much emotions in them and you expressed your message here on great way.

    -Oops, did I just ruin it?
    Did I tell you fairies aren't real?
    perhaps another shattered innocence
    tell me, how does that make you feel.-

    ^Here this is a tone of depression which added even more effect to the whole atmosphere, you wrote this without metaphors and it is still pure mix of great poetic beauty and great sadness.

    -Hope you aren't devestated
    when I tell you the things you used to play
    were only the stuff of dreams
    and makebelieve always goes away-

    ^devestated should be devastated
    Anyway quite impressive write, it holds so much sorrow and you truly wrote it with amazing originality.

    -So open your eyes, Reader
    and watch your innocence tear away
    and now reality fills that void
    and, honey, it's here to stay -

    ^Usually word -honey- in poem truly truly make me to hate whole piece cause I dislike that word here you fascinated me! So beautiful ending, it is so remarkable and you left very impressionable impression on me, I absolutely love it, you did excellent job with expressing emotions through narrative rhythm and each word is on the perfect place.

    Overall I admire your style of writing, subject of this piece is so different from most poems which I read and I think that you wrote whole poem fantastically. This really deserves contest nomination, bravo!

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