Heartbreak

The feeling in this one is great but i just dont like how everything else is all over the place. you seem to put only emotion in your work but let everything else go...you need to put some structure, pattern into your work...it just doesnt sit well with me at the moment.
3/5

I know the feeling :(

Well i loved this one its pretty amazing lol

You know, while i was reading this poem i felt that you were talking about me. it was very nice.
keep up.

Can't wait to read!!!
It seems like my type of poem...
My heart's been broken like 500 times all by the same guy. but my heart's really fragile so it breaks easily with him...
we've never been together tho,
i hardly talk to him...
maybe that's the whole point...

Life takes it's own place
And we grow up having our own faith
Even though we hide our hearts just in case
Some guy walks in and takes it away

true true too true. i never knew i'd be suffereing from boy issues, i thot they were for those girly girls i saw in elementary school. but sure enough it knocked on my door too, and i've been suffering from it for nearly 3 years... i liked the same guy for that long...

Before I had good things for my mind
Until I dropped it all and left it behind
For someone who looked deep in me
And for someone who I thought they'd see

i no, talk about dropping ur goals. i had big dreams... and i'm talking BIG. but ever since he came up, his issues made my goals look like little lego miniatures and he's just been so much of an interference with my life. but that's love and i can't change that. i love him too much.

I now know better, I now can see
I now see darkness across his face that they read
I now see the trap he lead me in
Trusting him with my heart was my deadliest sin

maybe this is my problem. loving him too much. it seems like i'm constantly thinking about him, if he likes me or not, etc. maybe i shouldn't do that... but i see no other way out of this complex maze i've lost myself in...

I was so full of life
Until I let you in
Because you caused me so much
I'll never look at you again

i no... i was just walking to my locker today, and my friend comes up to me and asks me if i'm ok. i'm just thinking "what r u talking about?" and she said i looked distressed... maybe this is the problem...? if only i knew how to fix it....

Knowing the things you do
All my friends still want to be with you

i really like your stanza format here. i love it when people start breaking away from conformity, especially in poetry, when the poem's not 4 blocks of lines... its so boring like that... but this way, its not a textbook kind of poem, and its really clear to understand. it's less cluttered this way, and it opens up a new light to understand ur poem.

You cheated
You lied
You crushed me inside

I really like ur use of anaphora. it's when u start lots of phrases the same way, so that even tho a poem might be free verse, if sounds all linked together and it flows well. not only that, but the last two lines rhyme in ur poem. all signs of a REALLY talented poet... u should totally teach me this technique! =]

I gave you my all
She gave you her back
Yet you still made that call
To give me the sack

aww.... its a tragic end, and yet so logical and reasonable... i think so many people can relate to this poem cuz its so realistic and its so like actual love lives that people are leading right now... i can totally relate to this, and it's totally my type of poem.

I loved it!
thanks for introducing me to ur poems, they're great, and they'll teach me a lot!

keep it up, and give me updates!

~Sophie~