Lost Battle

I can't think clearly
In chunks my mind will flow
I can't keep it all together
In reality I just want it all to go

An end to all this thinking
All this misery self induced
Punishment lasting from destruction
Because my failure was the clear truth

I fell on my face
Trying to make things right
Even now when I know it's useless
I make effort to fight the lost fight

I can't control myself
No matter what the cost
I can't accept this self
Acceptance and independence were lost

I can't comfort this self
When it seems comfort isn't deserved
I can't fix this self
When I have no sign recovery's been earned

My source of improvement is closed
No signs it cares for my development
My reason to fight has rejected me
Left me with little sign of acknowledgment

Struggling, I don't want to hear
Trying to block out the help others give
Struggling, I keep myself down
Not knowing how low I can live

Going up hill I keep falling
Unsure of if I should stay down
Going down hill I keep turning
Questioning if I should flip things around