Alive Again

Months wasted drowning in oceans of hate,
I was a flailing fish praying for some bait.
Left behind who I was, pressed in between your lips,
Swimming through this sea, searching for a ship.
My personality was lost and in fate, so I was;
Ignoring the answers, just asking why?

Fell to my knees in my attempt to find peace,
I was dying for anything- any form of release.
A pencil could not cut away the mistakes I had made,
Nothing could but my blunt, emotional blade.

My heart became calloused and battered and bruised,
Never before had I felt so utterly used.
Smirks and winks everywhere behind my back,
It seemed like at any opportunity, I would happily crack.

A wall was surrounding me, I could not tear it down.
Nobody held out their hand, and I was left to drown.
Everything felt fake, and I was quickly drifting away;
My mind was a burden that began to decay.

But suddenly, hope, out of nowhere, was found.
And I grew stronger in myself, got my feet back on the ground.
Smiles were offered now, and I did not feel so meek.
I had been sick of growing tired, sick of growing weak.

Scars are now healing, and my heart is blossoming again;
And now I have once more fallen in love with this pen.
Hate seems so pointless; I regret time I wasted.
I can never go back, now that the fruit of heaven has been tasted.

Sunlight dances in my veins, and I'm feeling fully alive,
"Damaged people are dangerous; they know they can survive."
No longer am I scared of anything new,
Instead I find I live and love, and I know I will make it through.

Confidence is what keeps me moving towards the end of the day;
No longer can your words lead me astray.
I lift up the winter months, hold then in my hands.
I will never forget them- but will learn from them, and my heart now expands.

Sick of living in the past.

I'm alive again,
awake at last.