I Wish I Could Write (I Wish I Could Think)

Am I so weak that all I can do is mourn? I can't locate the strength to purge the shade of misery that still plagues my mind. I fight with what I have to be able to write even a brief epitaph. I can't do it and I don't know why...

It always comes back to the same image, in the end. The end.. Why is it always the end, and not the precious hours, days, weeks, and months before? I know what I felt and I know why, but I can't bring myself to say it. It only reminds me of what I can never posess again.

Here I dread staying awake,
Mourning such a righteous mistake,
Burning myself at the stake,
Pleading to get back what others take...

It's not what I want back that makes me wrong, It's the fact itself that I want it back. I plead to a god that I don't believe in, and I promise things that I cannot give. Why do I want it so badly? Why can't I be over this? There are so many questions and it drives me mad, and I want out, I want out.. I want out, but I force myself to stay in, and I still don't know why..

I stray from the subject so many times, and I try to keep on track for the sake of the poor soul that struggles through my heartache... I wish I could stay on track and everything drives me mad, it all drives me back to the same damn thing over and over.

Four names revolve in my mind, and all of the ideas run the opposite direction, creating a friction and a block. I am sorry, my reader, I will try harder next time.

Started as a eulogy, fell into an idiotic rambling. I wish I could write and think at the same time.. I apologize