I liked how there were so many emotions in this that changed rather abruptly, yet did not ruin the poem. At the beginning the image created was so beautiful, wonderful, like a fairytale:

"There was happiness
Warm, golden happiness
A happiness with a name"

^ This really set the mood of the poem, so when it changed to a more darker, sombre atmosphere, the effect of such abruptness worked in your favour.

I really enjoyed the last stanza. Even though it wasn't a happy ending as such, it gave off the idea that there could be light at the end of the tunnel, which really, is all we want to believe in. :)

To me this poem's atmosphere is very unique... I could never really predict anything that was going to happen while reading it which was nice, because it kept intrigued enough to keep reading and I never had a moment where I lost interest. Your use of imagery is very descriptive making this a very enjoyable read. Excellent work!

Really good poem, i liked how if flowed, it definatly made you wonder what was going to happen next 5/5

Very beautifully deep poem that describes well falling inti the romantic abyss some see as love

well done

'In a faraway and distant dream
Not long from yesterday
There was happiness
Warm, golden happiness
A happiness with a name'

I adored this stanza, it immedately drew me in. I also love the emotions you put into this poem. It put me every place you described, and made me feel these emotions. Your a truly gifted writer.

I liked this. You really painted a picture in my mind. It's a beautiful poem.

5/5

-Briana

This poem was wonderously writen and it took us to wherever it was that you were describing. it was riveting since the begining. excellent work.

I love poems that show alot of emotion, and different kinds too, and this poem did it. i loved it keep up the wonderful work =]

I loved this poem....it had such deep meaning well to me it did...u did wonderfully!!
i loved the flow, it didnt seem rushed or forced at all...you have done a great job!
keep up the good work

tk care
bree

Another great write from you. The emotions captured are strong, raw, and genuine. I really appreciate the unique point of view this poem had, and loved the last stanza. The ending line is marvelous. The only thing that threw me off a little was the "Falling" tagged on the end of the fourth stanza. To me, it would be better not attached -- just in it's own line: to be abrupt and powerful; as fits the rest of the poem. Just my opinion though!

Good job!

Wow!! Your such an avid writer!!...Good Job its very sad tho but thats how some people perceive this point of view...5/5

In a faraway and distant dream
Not long from yesterday
There was happiness
Warm, golden happiness
A happiness with a name

** A great opening! Nothing to say here. The wording was good and I love how you repeated the line about yesterday, but added more meaning on the second line.

And then there were fantasies
The desires unending
The mornings, bathed in silver beauty
A voice whispering in the ear
Everyday, every night

** The good work continues here, but I am not fond of the AND THEN THERE WERE part. It seems to distance the first and second stanza too much. I am not sure how I would suggest rewording it, but you may want to consider it. I like the short and sweet second line, and the third line has great imagery.

Time remained frozen
Until the porcelain clouds left the sky azure
I was finally shown my shadow
A disgusting, worthless companion
A reflection of my future

** I like the TIME REMAINED FROZEN line, but you never mentioned that it WAS frozen. A little confusing. The first time I read it, I had to look back an see if I missed a line. Great way to keep up the awesome imagery here too.

Perhaps, it was too much of a fantasy
Too many wishes, I couldn't keep in one palm
I was pushed over the mountain
With those nail polished hands
Callous, yet fragile, in their own way
And down I went, and still descending

** I don't see a use for the comma in the first line, it flows fine without it. The NAIL POLISHED HANDS confused me again. I am not sure what nails you are speaking of.

** Overall, this is very well written. The imagery is great and the deep and powerful words you chose are pretty uncommon for a younger writer. Keep up the good word. 5/5

I like this poem it showed alot of great emotion, and your vocabulary was great.

Good job. 5/5

I think the form could be tidied up a bit, it doesn't appear as a good looking poem on it's own, but then again, words speak more.

'In a faraway and distant dream
Not long from yesterday
There was happiness
Warm, golden happiness
A happiness with a name'

I don't think you need the 'Warm, golden happiness', as the word is strong on it's own, you make it weaker with the repetition I feel. As a stanza though, it's a success opener since it readies the reader for the rest of the poem.

'And then there were fantasies
The desires unending
The mornings, bathed in silver beauty
A voice whispering in the ear
Everyday, every night'

You don't need to capitalise each line, it sounds daft but comtemporary poets don't as capitalisation reads as somebody who's still living in the past when they used to still do that.

'The mornings, bathed in silver beauty
A voice whispering in the ear'

These were two very strong lines, they just read well and had a nice cadence.

'Time remained frozen
Until the porcelain clouds left the sky azure
I was finally shown my shadow
A disgusting, worthless companion
A reflection of my future'

Porcelain clouds..hmm, I don't know whether I like that or don't. If you mean colour, then I suppose it works, it's quite ambigious. The last three lines of this stanza were perhaps the strongest, quite striking language was used.

'Perhaps it was too much of a fantasy
Too many wishes, I couldn't keep in one palm
I was pushed over the mountain
With those nail polished hands
Callous, yet fragile, in their own way
And down I went, and still descending'

This was the stanza that visually made the poem appear quite strange. It contained some nice imagery and wording though..

Try to avoid telling the reader, because if we can't relate as readers, we're not going to feel anything. For example, rather than saying 'I feel sad', show it with metaphor or something. I'm not saying this poem was bad, it's just for later reference :).

I don't think 'falling' is a good enough word to be sitting on it's own. But by all means use it in another stanza.

The last stanza was a good closer, and whilst I've appeared critical, I'm just telling you what any publisher would tell you. I'm not saying I have authority, just I think this piece has potential.

Well done, keep it up. :)