His Eyes {Triolet}

by BREEawNUHH   Jun 27, 2008


His eyes shine so bright
And I can see the world
I'll look into them until the morning light
His eyes shine so bright
The most beautiful sight
We've let our love become unfurled
His eyes shine so bright
And I can see the world

Briana Coulter
06/27/08

**A Triolet consists of 8 lines. The 1st, 4th, and 7th lines rhyme, as do the 2nd & the 8th.**

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Michelle18

    This one is just okay for me.. it didnt really interest me.. i think that if you used a different style of writing it would have been alot better. the style just didnt wow me.

    but im not gonna down rate you just because i didnt like the style. i thought the words you used and everything was good. maybe you should add on to it a little you know... change up the style. overall 4/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    This is a really interesting format, or whatever they call it. Style of writing, maybe. Hmm, anyways.. It was good. I'm not sure if for this style of writing if you are supposed to repeat the first two lines as the last two lines or not, but that was pretty effective.. However this poem was more of a short and simple poem to me, it could use more length if you can do that with this style of writing. I guess I don't really know, I've never tried it. Use more descriptive words as well, pick up a thesarus. It helps a ton, I've been trying to incorporate some new words into my poetry lately and it surprisingly really catches peoples attention and they enjoy the poem more because it has more description to it. A nice poem, but I want more. It seems like the people above me agree as well. :] haha. Nice work however, 4/5. Good.

  • 15 years ago

    by InvisiblyHeartless

    I liked this.
    it was good. but it seemed a little lacking in imagery. the words did roll together which is good for something so short.
    its a smart pattern.
    good job!

    Lexie

  • 15 years ago

    by Blutonium Boy

    I went ahead and saw your post on the forum.

    I liked the poem though I wished it would have been a bit longer.

    I have the same problem to.. cutting them short.