Forsaken (Lack of Rest)

by Jennifer RIP Lesthat Hayden   Jul 12, 2008


The moon so bright
glows in the night
on a black sheet of shining stars.
The night is stilled
with silence killed
by the soft sound of passing cars.

Pounding of fireworks are heard,
but not a whisper, not a word,
of a single soul awake.
The AC lets out a sigh
as I sit and wonder why
this beauty people don't take.

The peaceful noise of absent sound
and without anyone around
is the best part of not being asleep.
The time taken
is forsaken,
but it's something special I want to keep.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Mister 47

    Humm good work nicley writen , but i did not know waht you are talkign about

    good rhyming and soo on but i would feel strange in feelings you know i can not critic the structure but ui might attack the feelings it gave me
    make me little sad and lost and tired

    i dont know if that it ment to be

    soo 5\5

  • 15 years ago

    by H E Losey

    A nice write! I would like to see a little better metre.
    I enjoyed the initial structure of this and think it would be great if it were all structured like the first stanza and the last three lines of the second and third stanzas(not sure how but it is possible). This in turn would smooth the rhythm.
    As always an opinion.

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Oh wow I liked this poem a lot. You worded everything so perfectly that it had a touch of imagery to it. and I could almost imagine it all so perfectly. Great flow as well & rhyme.. Great job, 5/5.

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