Comatose

by CHEMICALcaitlin   Aug 8, 2008


I am here,
But I can't see you,
They say I'm numb,
That I can't hear you,
They are wrong.
"Now you be
Strong for me"
You tell me.
I am trying,
I am reaching,
Anything for you,
My love.
I see the tears
Roll down your face,
I want to wipe
Them all away.
But I am stuck
Inside this body,
It's like a dream,
But it's not ending.
I feel your touch,
Your gentle kiss,
It's what keeps
Me holding on.
I know your hope
is fading quickly,
Now your voice
Is shaking.
"I love you,
Please stay with me"
I'd never want
to hurt you,
"I won't leave you
no matter what
they say, okay?"
Your hand's in mine now,
Don't be afraid, Dear,
One day I'll wake up,
One day,
You'll see,
And be rescued
From my comatose.

**Not about anything in my life. I'm not sure how much I like this one, so comments are appreciated. oh and if anybody got confused, the things in "quotations" are the person in a coma's girlfriend.(did I word that right?)**

    report violation
0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Lauren

    I really like this poem. It's really emotional and sad. what I got from it is someone is in a coma, but also the person who loves them and is waiting for them seems to be in a coma also. "Now you be strong for me", "I won't leave you no matter what they say"
    Those lines seem to kind of suggest to me that the person is sort of in a (not sure how to word what I'm trying to say) sort of like a love coma. Like a coma of love and hope that won't let them leave. Which I think is very sweet and shows so much emotion and Love.

  • 15 years ago

    by claire

    "and be rescued from my comatose" is a little odd cause i dont know if you mean the person in the coma is like "one day i'll wake up and be rescued from my comatose" with some other stuff breaking it up, or "one day i'll wake up and you'll see and then be rescued from my comatose". anyone can guess what you mean but it might be better to make it a little clearer. i love the idea of it, and the beginning, only thing is "they" tell you that the person can hear you, cause they can. still, great, really original poem :)

  • 15 years ago

    by X Harlea X

    Wow. this was amazingly good. word choice was excellent, you expressed it greatly. and it was very good with the emotions. great job!5/5
    **harlea

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    This was an okay poem, I guess it wasn't that extremely fabulous or anything, but it was a good write, none the less. I didn't really see anything wrong with it. The format you used really helped it flow along really quick. Nice job. 5/5.

  • 15 years ago

    by Goodbye

    Well...what to comment... I was kind of wondering the short lines... But anyways... When I read on....I found the story had some ideas. Maybe the poems needs a little bit editing...more rhytmn...

    Some lines were nice. I like this:
    "But I am stuck
    Inside this body,
    It's like a dream,
    But it's not ending."

    Nice poem. Keep on writing. :)

Read All Comments (5)

More Poems By CHEMICALcaitlin