Be With Me

I cant laugh anymore
i am an empty box
a beautiful sea shell
lost beneath the rocks.

^ This is a great intro to a wonderful piece. I really love the way you went about getting your point across and setting an emotional tone in such a beautiful way. though the word i in the second line probably should be capitalized to keep your voice strong and continue the consistency of the rest of the piece.

I cant cry anymore
my emotions have been killed
no more happy days
this cup of tears has been filled.

^ the first two lines here are very strong and have a unique pull to them. the second two are also unique but in a much more poetic, fitting way. (i hope that makes sense) but i like the flavor of this stanza

I cant be me anymore
without you by my side
every time you go away
a part of me dies

^ at first this stanza felt cliche' but when i read the piece a second time i found a lot more depth to it. the way you tried masking the fact that you were pouring your heart and soul out to this person took me a minute to realize. (sorry) great effect.

You confuse me girl
when you give me that smile
and when we lay awake for hours
just laughing and talking for a wile

^ in the last line i think wile should be "while". other than that this stanza is great and i love the innocence to it. the way you are saying sooo much without really saying much at all. (Also a lot of people can relate to this stanza so excellent job there).

We are a perfect pare girl
so why don't you free your heart
this beautiful love can not begin
if your to afraid to let it start

^interesting conclusion but very well written.

All in all, I love this piece. It is completely wonderful/ your voice shines through in such a creative way (using cliche's to your benefit) and adding a whole new depth to some pretty tired things. I think whoever you wrote this for or inspired it is amazing and that you truly penned something excellent. nice job :)

Same here ....

It was really good, sad but good. I know how it feels.. cept with the opposite gender.

"We are a perfect pare girl"
One spelling error, it should be:
"We are a perfect pair girl"
Thats all I could find, it was really good, ill be reading on..
keep it up!
*Chaotic Angel*
5/5

Who's this one about???
the stupid gurl ima throw my phone at?
well... I LOVED IT!!!
its one of ur bestest!!=)
oh...
btw...
I wrote u a poem... ima send it on myspace... love u.

This one is a good poem... keep it up... i feel the same way some day and then some days i get so confused... so yer... emotions are gay aye... they make us normal people turn to jelly and tears!! aye... mwa
margi