Serpentine Kiss

First off, I really like your title. I don't think I've ever seen anyone on here use the word "Serpentine." It's a fresh, eye catching name.

Grievous thirst, perish!
Succumb to my somber needing,
tranquility of blissful surrealism,
a soundtrack of lustful heartbeats.
Portrayed, embodied within the sunset,
crescendo sentiments whisper to auras.
`Hm, I'm interpreting the first line as ... a severe desire for someone--whether lust or love, or both--that's ... not "right" or "accepted" (somber) and at times you can control it, but even then it's screaming to rip from within you (crescendo whispering ... the irony is stunningly clever.) But despite this, it's a calming, beautiful emotion. The image you paint with your words here portrays exactly that.

Summoned thoughts hold flowers,
summertime beauty and fragrant meadows.
`A much simpler worded stanza, yet it holds so much more emotion to me. I feel like you started out in lust, and slowing progressed into something more, and right here is exactly when you realize it's more than just infatuation. The ambiance created here is more content, and calm. As if you've stopped debating within yourself whether it's merely physical or emotional.

Obey wildfire longings,
silky products of amber serenity;
walking down the moonlit chapel,
distant voice electrocutes misery:
Grievous thirst, perish!
`Now you're giving into temptation and ... contemplating marriage? Hm. This stanza is rather alluding... Or maybe I'm not thinking hard enough. I feel like, this is the final step in completing a relationship through marriage--and you're about to get cold feet, but that little voice comes stomping and kills that doubt and your thirst "perishes" as you enter fulfillment.

Or maybe I'm completely wrong, but then ... poetry is always interpreted differently. Either way, I think you did nicely with this. And the repetition was flawless. First, you're conflicted and telling yourself to get rid of this conflict (thirst) and then you end it with the same line, only it's a different tone and basically concluding the whole piece.

Beautifully wrapped in the end.

..__MiNDYY

Love the tittle!

It's perfect for the poem...
Another flawless piece!
Nothing to be fixed at all..
i really wish i had your talent.

Keep it up!!

**Ada**
*aBSwaBHiaPL*

Beautifull words with a beautifull title keep going.

I thought this was a beautiful write, you have such an amazing way with words, but I just could not tie it in with the title. I thank you kindly for entering the contest. Keep up the great work.

Pretty.