Broken Son

by Jayke   Sep 10, 2008


With every broken family, comes a withered son
that quietly blames himself for what hes done
his feelings would bury him in a sea of regret
and shortly be scared in a memory he can't forget
but the day he swore he would not follow
he knew he would keep as his soul grew hollow
and so he withheld his emotions, till his blood ran dry
he dare not speak his reasons to cry
no one cared so why should he
his soul was lost never to be set free
without any emotion he shows his pain
though literature and art were his darkness would reign
years passed by, a smile plastered to his face
to hide what lurked inside a mold of disgrace
he truly knew that love didn't last
as he is forever hunted by the pain of the past

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Stephanie Michelle

    I think this poem is really well thought out but the rhythm and tense should be touched up on.. For instance the opening lines

    "With every broken family, comes a withered son
    that quietly blames himself for what hes done"

    Are a bit choppy to be read.. So you could switch a few words within the lines to make the rhythm more smooth

    "With every broken family, comes a withered son
    Who quietly blames himself for everything he's done"

    In between the first and second stanza you switch tenses.. You're talking about what the son feels about himself and what he's doing (in current time) in the first stanza.. Then you say "his feelings would bury him in a sea of regret"
    in the next line. You should either change your tenses or make the transition of talking about current time to the future more smooth.

    These are just a couple things I noticed when I read through your poem. You should work on your rhythm/tenses and break up stanza's so the poem is easier to read..

    On the other hand.. You did an AMAZING job of putting emotion into such a short poem and getting your point across.

    Overall, I think this was well thought out and a good portrayal of emotions.. 4/5

    Keep writing! (:

  • 17 years ago

    by Tierra

    Meep. wow.

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