Pretend World

This is great cuz it tells the truth!

"We were living in our pretend world
As the cold reality gradually unfurled
Passion rose as we rested assured
That any storm could be endured "

^^ I frikken adore this opening...I found it to be filled with such depth and so many conflicting emotions that I'm instantly drawn into the piece, hooked, and eager to read more.

"Where the busy industrious workers swarmed
As the temperature of the globe warmed
Like bees busily producing their honey
Mankind was concerned about money"

^^ Ohhh how true is this sentiment..I like this stanza for the truth that it holds behind it, it's sad how many people are only concerned with money instead of the more finer things in life.

"With the illusion that all on earth was fine
We progressed slowly to the end of the line
Like the rebellious angels that somehow fell
Nature's fury unleashed a manmade hell"

^^My favourite stanza of the piece..I'm not sure why..I just think this is beautifully and elegantly written.

"We were living in our pretend world
As the cold reality gradually unfurled
Passion rose as we rested assured
That any storm could be endured "

^^I like the repetition here, it worked well, whereas usually I'm not to keen on it as I think it sometimes kills the meaning of the poem.

However, here, I thought it added to the overall effect of the piece.

I love this.

Um . The flow is a little off on this one .

This poem was brilliant! It had such great concepts to it. It flowed beautifully and had great word usage.

My favorite part was:
"Like bees busily producing their honey
Mankind was concerned about money"
^^ this was a very good analogy. The way you compared bees to humans was flawless and very original. I loved this concept!

5/5 for sure! Keep it up!

From just reading the first stanza, I'm very impressed with your word choice and your ability to rhyme and make the poem flow very smoothly. Great work.

"As the temperature of the globe warmed
Like bees busily producing their honey"
`Oh I love the simile here, it was very original, :] Great job!

Great idea to repeat the first stanza as the last, great conclusion. It worked perfectly.

Well done. 5/5.