I am sick with denial
confused by the years of what has controlled me
I've let a disease overpower my mind
and it has completely and utterly consumed me
I've let doubt rule my conscience
and bitterness turn me into a cold shoulder
what ever happened to the passion for right?
did it slip away when i tryed to take it over?
i have lived by assumption that what I've experienced
has made me stronger
when it is true that I'm am stronger and even weaker then i ever was before
because now the fall i must take to humility
and to give everything over
is so much harder then it would have been if i had just pressed into your arms sooner
what was i thinking?
now everything is cold and distant
i never healed completely...
i just went on with my dirty hands, trying to make everything clean again
i thought if i could ever get anyone to listen
it would open my heart to The Lord
i can see the record of my decline
only because the mission was always mine
there wasn't any room for any correction
any helping hand at all...
i made sure that i was fully hands on..
what would i have learned if i let the only one who could gently interject a new guidance of love...
a new definition of everything...
what would i have learned if i let him change me?
