Break My Heart

Its good..for some reason it sounds like the start of a melody, like the idea would create a great sad love song. The flow is ok and its a little repetitive for a poem, which is why I thought it might be a better start or idea for lyrics. The emotion is definitely there. Keep up the great work.

Great title!

"Even when I'm awake I dream of you;"
^I think it would flow better if there was a comma after "awake"

A lot of people escape to their dreams in order to get over a broken heart because life in our dreams are so much more ideal. There was quite a bit of repitition in this piece but in a way it worked with the message you wanted to get across. I kinda wished this poem was longer because I felt like you still had a lot to say and just cut yourself off short.

Overall I really enjoyed this piece. It was something everyone could relate with which made it enjoyable to read.

Well done!
*5/5*

'Even when I'm awake I dream of you;
I hope things can go right this time.'

'Can go' is a bit immature in my opinion, and the strength of the first line is undermined by this. Some minor rephrasing of that particular line would suffice. It's a very dreamy like poem, the repetition of 'dream' enforces this. There is a lot of repetition in this piece, I could say almost too much, but I enjoyed reading this.

'Because I'm sleeping, and I'm dreaming.
If you break my heart again, I might not wake up. '

This ending could be tidied up a bit. We (as the reader) already know that the persona is dreaming. So if you kept that last line and changed the above one, you could have something that doesn't spoonfeed the reader.

Just a suggestion..
Good write. :)

Very sweek and dreamy.

"Even when I'm awake I dream of you;
I hope things can go right this time."
Haha, daydreaming bout a significant other. Who doesn't? And hoping, just hoping...

"Because I'm lost in such a deep sleep,
These memories are so appealing."
I really like this couplet. We all know what its like, watching a memory play over and over again, hitting the mental rewind button and never wanting to look away and face reality -- because reality is too painful, and it's too sad...

"When I dream of you, my body's so relaxed.
And Baby, let's make it right this time."
There's so much want in this poem, I find. The repitition of this line makes the despair so much more pronounced, yet hidden behind soft words and longing intentions.

"Because I'm sleeping, and I'm dreaming.
If you break my heart again, I might not wake up. "
Wonderful ending. You're great at endings. This stole my breath away.

Awesome write!

This poem has a very nice content and Ifound it an enjoyable read =] If you change the structure a little however if feel the flow of the poem would run more smoothly-

Even when I'm awake I dream of you
I hope things can go right this time.

Because I'm lost in such a deep sleep
These memories are so appealing.

When I dream of you, my body's so relaxed
And baby let's make it right this time.

because I'm sleeping, and I'm dreaming
If you break my heart again, I might not wake up

Iv'e change one or two little things i there it's completly up to you if you use the suggestions above, but like I said it's a very nice poem =] Great job