City of colour

I didn't understand any of this. It really had no meaning to me, maybe to you. I didn't get what you meant nor what you wanted to get out.

3/5

I didn't understand any of this. It really had no meaning to me, maybe to you. I didn't get what you meant nor what you wanted to get out.

3/5

"I try so hard not to cadge,
fight so hard to rid of you."
`I'll be honest, I didnt like how close together the word hard was used. Twice in a matter of the first two sentences, didnt flow well with me. Sorry. I found it interesting that you didn't say.. "get rid of you" not many people say rid of you.. I know that its proper to use it that way, but I just found that to be interesting and something I wanted to point out to you.

"Subfusc ways turn to black,"
`Loved your word choice.. subfusc.. made me go WOW!

"Yet, our City of colour
still sings me to sleep."
`This was sooo beautiful, I adored your usage of the word sings. :]

Anyways, I thought this poem was short yet it said alot. The one thing I noticed was like two lines flowed very nicely and fit well together, the rhyme was great.. but I didnt see any other rhyming in the rest of the poem? Not sure what could fix that.. maybe make the whole poem rhyme.. afterall its a short poem. It'd be a easy task. Just a suggestion.

5/5.

Good write... poetic indeed. Few unusual words... that you may chose intentionally to give the poem a little punch... overall done well... nice!

I like the flow and it had a very poetic feel.
It did'nt make much sense to me which just makes it beautiful art. Nice work.