Wilting Nature.

"Flowers frown, wilting."

The concept of flowers frowning creates such a sad scene, since flowers are such bright and happy creations. Excellent beginning line, definetly catches my eye.

"Silk leaves schrivled,
now fragile."

"schriveled" should be "shriveled".
Great descriptions of leaves, this sets the scene for the reader and puts them in it.

"Rain downpours,
hail falls from light green skies,
like shards of glass."

Excellent color usage, "light green" paints such vivid picture in my mind. I also like the simile, I thought it was what a lot of people would describe hail as being like, but it was still good.

"Beautiful rainbows,
painted with vibrant hues
fade to dismal colors."

I noticed you changed "depressing colors" to what you have now, it works much better. The wording fits and suits that line a lot better. I think you could have added a bit more before that last line, because I felt it was rushed into. You describe rainbows, so vivid and vibrant and then they quickly turn into gloomy colors. I was thinking maybe ease your way into it more. Just my opinion though.

"Lustrous sun smiling,
slowly decays to black,
shaping into the face of pessimism"

This was one of my favorite parts and the most orginal. I love "lustrous sun", quite descriptive in my eyes. The second line is perfectly worded and creates a heartbreaking image. The last line was brilliant, you had me reading and taking in so much.

"Rivers of crisp sparkling waters,
softly humming distinct melodies,
replaced by a thick current of blood."

I agree with the others on this part, it was a bit weak and I think it could have stood out more like your previous stanza's did. "crisp, sparkling" is a tad bit cliche in my mind to describe waters. I did like the humming part though, that was really good. And then the very last line was very dark, and I was shocked when I read it, I really didn't expect it. Because you were talking so sweetly about rivers and then it turns into blood. I wasn't sure about that, but it was still very creative.

Besides small things I pointed out, you should be proud of this piece, it was so different from other pieces I've read and you did a great job!

Take care and have a good night!

~MaryAnne

:-(

The use of wilting flowers and drab colors is a perfect description of moving from a bright place within oneself into a dark. one. Well done!

Form is a bit haphazard here, if you're going to use a continuous stanza length then it needs to be tidy and not look like a brainstorm. You could attempt free verse here, it may do you favours.

'Flowers frown, wilting.
Silk leaves schrivled,
now fragile.'

Surely you meant to write 'shrivelled', but I still think the tense could be change so it reads. 'Silk leaves shrivel'. The juxtaposition of 'fragile' there is an adjective too many. Count your adjectives here. Overabundances of them make them less effective. I like the use of 'frowning' though, you personified them quite nicely. Why personify the flowers, and not the leaves though?

'Rain downpours,
hail falls from light green skies,
like shards of glass.'

Focus here, Temps. What's more important? The rain or the hail? You could have 'hail downpours', then the second line could contain the simile, and the third could be perhaps more inventive?

'Beautiful rainbows,
painted with vibrant hues
fade to dismal colors.'

Rainbow is a bit of a random image since there was no mention of any sun previously, but it's just minor. I have trouble picturing this 'fading to dismal colors', it's a bit too unrealistic, since the poem is subjective, the imagery needs to be realistic. Plus the transition is too quick. Perhaps have the rainbow being described as 'dull', then it subverts the connotations of a 'rainbow'.

'Lustrous sun smiling,
slowly decays to black,
shaping into the face of pessimism'

I loved that last line, not sure about the second. I have no suggestions for this. Could be my favourite stanza though.

'Rivers of crisp sparkling waters,
softly humming distinct melodies,
replaced by a thick current of blood. '

Last line - a bit weak and random for me. I don't get why 'blood' is negative, nor why it would replace the river.
I see what you're trying to say in this poem - it's like...the darker side of nature, but the narration is obscure, it's as if this one person is seeing nature from a dark angle. Some of the imagery is a bit too obscure to be subjective. You should and could work on this.

If I appeared negative, it's because I'm trying to help :)

What a twist on a nature poem. I gotta admit though I didnt really like the title. It fell short to this wonderful poem. Titles are really important because its what catches the readers eye first and helps in deciding if they want to read the poem or not.

"Flowers frown, wilting"
^right off the bat I loved the imagery. I've never thought flowers as frowning but the way you presented it in the poem made me see what you were expressing. I loved everything about this line. Great opening because you had my attention and made me want to read more.

"Tender leaves schrivled,
now fragile, stiff."
^Hmm I'm iffy about this one. It was sort of a let down from the wonderful line previous to it. I liked what you had to say with the leaves breaking but I think you over described it. Also "tender" didnt really seem to fit for me, I've never seen it as a description for leaves but thats just my opinion.

"hail falls from light green skies,
like shards of glass."
^ Great simile.

"Beautiful rainbows,
painted with vibrant hues
fade to depressing colors."
^I loved "painted with vibrant hues" What a wonderful line...great imagery! However I didnt like the word "depressing" Outplayed and overused. Maybe try replacing it with something else.

"Lustrous sun smiling,"
^Love it! First flowers frowning now the sun is smiling. Great imagery once again!

"shaping into a face of pessimism"
^Loved the meaning behind this but I think it would sound better as "shaping into THE face of pessimism."

I think the ending was a bit weak compared to what was previous to it but overall Temps I really did enjoy this piece. It was on a subject I havent read in a while and it kept me interested throughout. The meaning behind it was so immense and powerful that it can be interpreted in many ways...which is good! This is a piece to be proud of hun because I know it came straight from you heart and reflected what you were feeling.

Well done!
*5/5*
:]

Temps, I reread it just now and I see a whole other meaning behind your words..I wasn't really awake the first time I read it.
You are talking about how you cannot see the beauty of nature when you are depressed, aren't you?
It's a magnificent poem, no matter how I read it. I will nominate it lateron today:)