United by Immortality. [Collab]

That was very powerful. Your choice of words were brilliant! I loved the ending, 5/5!

-mandy :)

I loved the title!

"Headstones aged lined in rows"
^Right off this line seemed a bit off for me...the flow was kinda awkward. Maybe "Aged headstones lined in rows" would sound better? Just my opinion.

"Probing their history in strange curiosity
Each epitaph paints glorified falsities"
^I loved the word choice here! "probing" "epitaph" Great job! It really set the scene and made the poem pop for me.

" freshly crowned with scarlet roses"
^I loved the image "scarlet" created here.

"I reach yours, freshly crowned with scarlet roses;
As you lie in peace, we are embraced in memories,"
^The only thing that was a bit weird for me was out of nowhere you start talking about a "you" then a "we" It kinda caught me off guard because I didnt know who "you" and "We" were but then again it could have been done on purpose to add an air of mystery to the piece.

" we are embraced in memories,
Reminiscing significant moments shared,"
^You're basically saying the same thing. I understand the fact seeing their gravestone brings back memories but repeating it twice with different words throw off the poem for me.

"As i gently sprinkle petals of love"
^Forgot to make the "I" capital. I loved the "petals of love" Beautiful imagery...I could imagine it all clearly in my mind.

All in all these was a great piece and you both should be proud! It was kind of easy for me to pick out which stanza was done by whom but thats because I know Temps's writing style haha. The scene was quite a sad one and brought back memories for me so you could say this really hit home with me. I loved the ending because it said so much in such little words which was a great way to end this piece. You both should be proud.

Well done!
*5/5*

Bliss. {Beyond a Poet's Mind.}

Dusk visits the silent cemetery,
as I remain motionless, bowed,
waiting for the inviting space beside
Your memorial to be occupied,
so we can be united by immortality,

and be forgotten by time; together.

^^
Such moving lines....I can feel the strong emotions behind these words, beautiful..really touching.

I cannot tell who wrote what! You both did an outstanding job on this Temps and Colm:)

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid

Headstones lined up representing broken souls, do you mean broken souls in the sense they are dead? You have expressed the love one person continues to have for another even after death.

Dusk visits the silent cemetery,
as I remain motionless, bowed,
waiting for the inviting space beside
Your memorial to be vacated,
so we can be united by immortality,

^This verse is confusing. I understand the person is waiting for death to join their loved one but the fourth line says they are waiting for the space to be vacated. Not sure what you mean by this. If someone is buried there already, chances are it will never be vacated and if there is no one buried there would it not be vacant already?

Nice work by both of you. Well done.