Picturing the past

by Aish   Jun 16, 2009


Picturing the past:

I lie here dreaming up scene after scene,
Of what our lives together could've been.
Creating the memories-our first to our last,
I lie here picturing a non-existant past.

That night we met-how i wanted you to know,
That I fell straight away for your smile and "hello"
I cherished those moments-fleeting and few,
But I knew straight away i was doomed loving you.

I knew you'd forget me the very next day,
My name and my face and the things i did say.
I was gone from your life like a tear leaves the eye,
but you stayed in my mind as the years rolled on by.

Everywhere I went, I wished you were there,
There by my sie and we'd walk hand in hand.
I imagined a life time, of just you and me,
I imagined a lifetime of what would never be.

And sometimes I believe it all to be real,
Believe I can see you, believe I can feel.
I believe that together on the bed we lie,
Picturing the past of the years not gone by.

A past based on minutes lived many years ago,
A past based on wishes and hopes I made grow.
A past based on lies and on false memories,
A past which is secret-known only to me

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    First of all, thanks for entering the contest and best of luck. ;)

    I'm going to be completely honest with this one-
    when I first looked at it before reading it I was a little scared that it was one of those forced poems, due to a rhyme scheme I saw straight away. I also saw so much repetition that I had a feeling the flow would be ruined due to it.
    I was happily surprised. Nothing was forced, which is so hard to do these days. The repetition added to the poem, and didn't take any strength away from it. So for that, well done.

    "Scene after scene"
    `I really liked that phrase, I'm not sure what it is about it but damn, quite loved it.

    I don't want to give any critque on this, as it is a contest poem. But there is one part I'd like to point out that sort of messed up the flow for me-
    "
    That night we met-how i wanted you to know,
    That I fell straight away for your smile and "hello""
    `I felt it was the only part in the poem that seemed a tad forced, the hello part that is.

    I know the feeling of this poem-
    meeting someone who can take your breath away for the first time and instantly planning a future together until reality kicks in and you realise not only will there be no future but not even another encounter. Its devestating.

    I loved your play on the title-
    well done in general and good luck.

    (:

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