Man of Ice

Frozen. betrayed.

*I love that you repeated those two words. I agree with MaryAnne. A few parts were choppy, but I still liked this poem. I think it's one of your best. I love the imagery and how you tell your story is very interesting. Nice work. Nik*

First, capitalize all your "i"s. And the flow was a bit choppy here so here is what I thought of everything:

"i strode right to the ends of this earth and here i will stay.
frozen. betrayed.
my life shattered like broken ice.
my body numb like in the dead of winter."

Second line: Instead of having a period after each word maybe write it like this: "frozen, completely betrayed." I just think it would read better. Good work though so far with the similes. It's always good to have those in.

"i cant feel much, but when i do
i dedicate my hate you."

I love these two lines, simple yet to the point.

"i dwell beneath the snow and i tunnel to the darkened, cold waters.
Hell knows better than to step in my path."

This was a powerful part, the first line was a bit too long and kind of threw me off, maybe shorten it, its up to you. I love that second line, kind of scary.

"My heart will never melt because of you.
And everyday my eyes grow colder and my limbs begin to snap.
but never will i fall"

Okay, in the first line have a comma instead of a period, same with the second. In the third line, add a period at the end. Also, the second line didn't have a good flow, again maybe shortening it would be a good idea.

"this white world is mine.
my frozen kingdom shines.
it called my name and i answered.
forever, here ill stay."

Good ending, strikes the reader.

I think in the first, second and third lines though, you should have a comma, not a period. Just my opinion though.

4/5 from me, this was good but could use some work. Take care..

~MaryAnne

frozen. betrayed.