Sunny Day

I needed to read something uplifting, bright and happy and this poem certainly did the trick. Thank you.

Sorry again that it has taken so long,
hope its worth it. ;P

"Sunshine breaks"
`I must admit I don't really like the use of "breaks" here, it just doesn't do it justice. You're writing a poem about how the sunny day is a positive thing yet breaks is too harsh. Maybe try something along the lines of "splits" or if you want it a little different maybe "schisms" because it creates a nice flow of sibilence also which wouldn't be bad! (:

I quite liked how you went that step further and used "violet curtains" instead of just "curtains", it creates a real image. Nice work.

"It's a new day,
no longer dawn,
time to live."
`Well, considering the flow is quite snappy and short I think your punctuation could use a little snap to it. So maybe get rid of a comma and throw in "--" or ";" to create a dramatic pause?
Ex:
"It's a new day,
no longer dawn--
time to live."
That way "time to live" has so much more meaning, really stands out as the main point of the poem.

"I find my lungs
hidden beneath so much pain[,] <- not needed.
and beg them to breathe again."
`My favourite piece of this poem. Perfect. Beneath, Beg, Breathe..it just creates a musical quality. Get rid of the comma though, it throws the flow off.

"Take me music"
`While I loved the idea, I wasn't too fond of how you phrased it. It just sounds awkward, and then you repeat "music" which threw me off. Hmmm. I'm not sure how you could rephrase it though.
"Music, take me now
to nowhere land
let these notes"
I dunno, just a suggestion? :/

Sidenote--
I quite liked your usage of Enjambment throughout the poem, its the kind of flow I really look for in a poem so kudas for that.

(:

Overall, well done.

I really liked your poem here - mainly because it wasn't all bathed in complicated structure and just came out all over the place and landed in all the right places. I also liked the non rhyming theme - I always enjoy those the most. I haven't had a rhyming poem in years. Anyways I look forward to reading more of your works. Bravo on this one!!!

A nice uplifting piece, good job Ray

This is okay. I think it's a well-written piece but just not for me. Personally I don't like poems about nature or life and what not. But it has a nice flow to it, though some parts could be a little better. I think the flow was thrown off a little by the length of the lines. Good job.

Soda E>.