A Ride Through the Desert.

I found you created perfect imagery with this poem
throughout the whole poem it was like a slideshow
each stanza being another slide
i also had to wonder how you got the inspiration to write about a cowboy riding around...
it is quite different
but it is still a great poem :D:D
thx for the comment

Keenan

It seems you can write about most anything. A true poet. I felt like I was on this ride right along with the rider. Seeing the scenery change.
Your words are food for the imagination. Keep writing

Temps
You have penned a beautiful piece. Great imagery.

Flowers welcome
them with their lasting
scent as they proceed;
stopping by a lake to
absorb the distinct
scenery; a brief
moment of silence
is shared.

The picture you have created for the minds eye is awesome :)
Great job!
Take care
Cindy

Temps,

To me this reads more like a short story then a poem. You described it really well and I think anyone being a cowboy will be able to relate to what you have painted with your words:)
I think the desert is a beautiful place, but at the same time a dangerous one, where many people have found their grave.

Serenity embraces
them as they stop by a
lake to absorb the
beautiful scenery.
Flowers welcome
them with their lasting
scent; a moment
of silence is shared

^^
I could clearly picture someone standing here;) This was the most poetic stanza as well.

Good job, girl:)

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid

"A true cowboy sits atop"

I like how you introduce this piece, with a scene and a character. Saying that this cowboy is "true" is good to know, because it gives the reader an idea that this is the real deal, you know? I also thought "sits atop" was unique instead of just saying "sits".

"his horse; dressed in faded
Levi's and black boots--"

Good descriptions, I didn't think this was the most out there, but it was just simple and plain yet vivid.

"cowboy hat upon his head."

I thought this was a little to simple and I think it would read better like this:

"A weathered cowboy hat perched upon his head."

I just added "perched" for more uniqueness, I think that word would fit perfectly. I also think you should add "weathered" because this cowboy is out there on his horse, in the weather, with his hat. If you don't like my suggestions than maybe try describing the hat somehow else, like that's its made of leather, what color, what designs, etc.

"Adrenaline rushes through
his veins; as he gets ready
to ride."

This was a well-expressed stanza, but like some of the above parts I thought this could be more elaborate. "Adrenaline rushes through his veins" I really have heard this a lot, maybe use a synonym for "rushes". Something less used and more creative. Just my opinion. I do like how you add that this happens as he is getting ready to ride, good descriptions of what's going on then.

"A slight tug on the reins--"

Now this line was great, the word "tug" is very different and provides much imagery. Nice job here, I expected "pull" but not "tug".

"sets the two off on an
adventure through the
pine trees;"

I like how you include the horse, the way you worded it made it sound like these were two friends going on a journey. This sounds so intriguing, I used to ride when I was younger, it was magnificent. But I quit for various reasons. One of my childhood dreams was to own a ranch when I was out of college and have tons of horses, and have a trail that my friends and I would go riding on everyday. That's a huge dream of mine, just the idea of this makes me dream and imagine. Thanks for that!

"the horse's
hooves kicking up dirt
and dust as he gallops
along;"

This was alright, not my favorite. I still think this could be more elaborate. Maybe change it this:

"the horse's hooves
punching the ground
With his fierce blow
As he races across
the deep forest;"

This was just an idea, there are many ways you could make it more detailed.

"following his
companion's commands."

I quite enjoyed this stanza, this explains his loyalty and determination to follow his commands.

"Serenity embraces
them as they stop by a
lake to absorb the
beautiful scenery."

This was simple yet meaningful, it was a bit plain if you want my honest view, but it was still not boring, it was entrancing.

"Flowers welcome
them with their lasting
scent;"

I love this part, how cute and lovely! Nice work, this is such a happy stanza!

"a moment
of silence is shared."

Brilliant lines, I felt this was beautiful, it had a nice touch on the reader.

"Before long-- the two
set off into the sunset;
continuing their adventure
through the desert."

The ending was good, really good. Completely summing everything up, but maybe you could replace "adventure" with "journey", since you already used "adventure".

Okay so overall, 4/5 from me. One line would be brilliant and then the next disappointing. I think you just need to work on keeping it detailed and non-cliche. Maybe this is just my view but I really want to give good advice, I hope I did. In some parts I was so shocked at the beauty you created, and then the next line would be simple and not descriptive enough, it kind of let me down. Just work on that but there is tons of potential in this piece Temps. There were many parts I did enjoy, and thanks for the journey that I took myself reading this. With a little work, this piece will be stronger. Thanks for reading all of this, I hope I have helped you. I have never read a poem like this, so good idea on writing it. Take care and God Bless you!

~MaryAnne