When we love so deeply, such as this, we leave ourselves open to shattering possibilities of doubt and betrayal. Especially if someone in our past has forsaken the binds of our love. But the power of a love so rich that every breath and moment is a part of you, so rich that it goes beyond the physical and becomes the essence, is what love is about. I feel you so totally on this poem. as you will see. Fear can conquer us and lead us to destroy if we let it. The key is to surrender without predilection of what came before. To give yourself totally unto this happening. When we build walls and armor ourselves..yes we protect ourselves, but we also cheat ourselves. I would rather live everyday of my life vulnerable and open and giving, than to live my life in fear and bitterness and hardness. Beautiful write...it struck a chord in me. Thank you.
"By allowing our feelings to unfold,
We will develop a love like concrete."
^^my favorite lines
Another great write. The flow was perfect as your usage of metaphoric vocabulary was awesome. Overall, 5/5
Such beauty in the words you write. I am without the speech to tell you how wonderful it is. The imagery was grand and the usage of words were even better. I can't tell you my favorite lines since everything was so awesome. A 5/5 rating. Kudos for you.
Sun kissed skin with an aroma so sweet,
Draws me into craving your gentle touch.
*I loved those two lines I felt they were the strongesr trhoughout and really make the poem stand out to me. I love the imagery and how it's in every line. Beautiful but also powerful. I love the story your words tell and the amazing picture that follows. This gave me a warm feeling in my heart and I'm glad I too the time to read it. One of my favorites from you I'd have to say. Lovely work dear. Keep it up. Nik*
Wow, this is really something. Its so discriptive and powerful. I love your choice of wording thoughout the entire poem. You managed to make this poem flow really well too, which can sometimes be a struggle, for me anyway. lol. =) anyway, i enjoyed the read, once again, nice work 5/5
This one tickled my senses, there is passion in every line and it drives you to read the rest, you've got a great flow of words here and although it's short it says it all and makes you feel it all.
Great write 5/5
11 years ago
by Lover Boii
Firstly, I loved this poem. It was beautiful.
The adjectives you use are simple everyday words but allow for such an image to be drawn that it feels like I'm watching a movie of it in my mind.
I also love the contrast you use with your lips being "so much smaller" though it fits "securely." And again in the next two lines with the "cold" and the "heat." This is a technique I often try to use, but fail to do it so effectively.
I love your simile choice. Again, simple, but it fits in well.
And when you get into the end it gets more intense. The words get longer but the flow never changes. The longer words show that there is more to it and you get that feeling when you read it. Each word pours into the next with efficiency urging the reader on.
And I love the closing. It makes you think a lot about the whole piece.
Very great write. THere wasnt a line out of places, every line had a certain job in the poem, i am finding that people are starting to throw in little lines for length or just for some form of flashiness i guess but this was really great, the flow was spot on and the rhyming never seemed forced.
"Sun kissed skin with an aroma so sweet,
Draws me into craving your gentle touch"
Those are the best lines of the poem, it isnt the cliche line of i crave your touch or anything, its much much better. Great job
and a well deserved 5/5