To Build Another Future

by Michael D Nalley   Jan 7, 2010


From the elements in the Milky Way
To the building blocks of our DNA.
Where ancient civilizations sprang
Millenniums after the big bang
To build another future?

Adam you have had your Eve
Where Satan did deceive
Yet a family from your blood
Would survive, in an ark, the flood
To build another future?

From the rain that divinely fell
We built another well to hell.
Babylonia where is your tower?
Is it the stars that hold the power...
To build another future?

What of the pharaohs in pyramids
Mummified in cloth for myriads
With the gods of their periods
To attain what nature forbids
To build another future?

In the era which began with Christ
Our lord and savior was sacrificed
The temple of God was destroyed
As infinite mercy deployed
To build another future?

Place another brick in the wall
As if structures could save us all
Holy wars and holy orders
Just divide us into borders
To build another future?

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    Mostly, I enjoyed this poem. The rhyming wasn't boring or forced and at the same time, it made sense.

    I had ONE small problem:
    From the rain that divinely fell
    We built another well to hell
    Babylonia where is your tower
    Is it the stars that hold the power?
    To build another future?
    ^^^
    In this stanza (and the rest of the poem, but I'm going to use this stanza as my example) it would have been MUCH stronger, had you used infliction/punctuation.

    Here's how (written with punctuation/infliction/how I would have done it:
    From the rain that divinely fell
    We built another well to hell[.]
    Babylonia where is your tower[?]
    Is it the stars that hold the power[...]
    To build another future?

    And here's why:
    The first two lines is a complete sentence, broken up for emphasis. The third line is a complete thought by itself and needs to be questioned (with a question mark) so that the LAST line can have the three dots I talked about in the first comment. It needs the three dots because, otherwise, the "to build another future" doesn't quite fit.

    Does that make ANY sense at all? If you care to what I say and don't understand, you're welcome to message and ask and I'll try to be more elaborate.

    So, inconclusion:
    Thans for the comments.
    I enjoyed most your poems, but some of them didn't sum up what writing abilites I know you have.
    And finally, I enjoyed this last poem for the most part. Thank you for your time and take care.

    xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5

  • 9 years ago

    by Rusheena

    Love your work!:)

  • 9 years ago

    by Shinobi

    A very pleasant read. You presented our history, like written in the bible, and asked the same simple question: Is it in order to build another future. At the end you finally said that the future we built, by bricks and cement, won't save us from what's there to come.
    The rhyming was great, and the words you chose flew nicely. There was just one line that broke the flow a bit: "We built another well to hell" I'd right it in this matter: "We carved another hole to hell" - Just sounds better.

    Overall great job, deserves a 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Loved the word choice and the rhyme scheme. This poem has an excellent rhythm. I really liked the repetition of the question at the end of each stanza. Great job!

  • 9 years ago

    by Stazifer Stazington

    I was almost enchanted by the vocabulary, I must say.
    The use of words like "myriad". It was extremely refreshing and powerful.

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