Under the White, Velvet Moon

* Before I start editing I just wanted to say I really liked how you wrote this. It was almost like song lyrics and I thougt that was cool. I just saw a few ways to make it stonger :] *

He came to me-
Under twilighted stars and a velvet moon.
Tobacco lingering on his breath
(A first kiss)

*I thought this first stanza was perfect. Loved the imagery. I can imagine some random person coming up to you like this and I think that's why it seemed so perfectly written. I wouldn't change a thing. Very stong opening.*

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Like the strangers we were-
We embraced
Crashed into eachother, long lost lovers-

*I'd change this line to "Crashed into each other, like long lost lovers..." That seems like it would flow into the next line better to me, plus you don't want to over use the dashes*

Hidden from the other

*Instead of "hidden" I would say "searching for one another, or longing" That seems like it would make more sense with the words in the brackets.*

[Finally found]

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I held onto him - scared to death
Of any tenderness thrown my way.

*I'm not really sure what you meant by this stanza. Are you saying you want him to be rough with you or that you don't want to be rough with him. Instead of saying you were afraid of the tenderness I would say you were afraid of losing him or maybe dreaming this whole night up.*

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The only thing with him-
A sack of clothes and a smile.
For me [Only me]
To be mine until I wiped it away.
(Which will never happen again.)

*Another perfect stanza. This one seems so real just like the first one. It reminds me of seeing someone you haven't seen in awhile. The joy you feel after seeing that person again, feeling them and being close to them again. Very beautiful picture :]*

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Slowlyslowly... impatiently-

*need a space between the slowlys*

Our love began to bloom
Under the white, velvet moon.
Just a couple of minutes [days]

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He was to be only mine from that moment,
Don't rush what's already yours to keep.
The shakey hands of a self-concious virgin,
Held onto the man who helped her sleep.

*:] Such a lovely way to end this piece. You let us know the ending without saying too much. I've really gotta catch up on my reading girl lol I've missed your work. Always creative and refreshing to read. Nice work dear keep it up :] Nik*