Longing

by Sunshine   Apr 2, 2011


Perhaps I possess elegance with
my undeclared language,
which might clarify why
my irrational heart is plucking
a further harmony,
inevitably...

This season,
I'm in hunger for company,
as my senses starve for their plain
dreams from a solo cry in awful need
of defeating this pitiful lonesome
that still chants about attention...

even after the season is gone.

by: Rania Moallem

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    'that might probably clarify why'
    ^This may be better written as 'that may clarify why' might and probably are essentially the same thing, so to me you shouldn't say both.

    Lovely write, I can definitely find a strong connection with your poem. Sometimes we just long to be by someones side who will give us the attention and adoration we need and yearn for. A strong emotion many can surely relate to, well done.

  • 13 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Exquisite! I like your attention to meter; it makes the message much more subtle

    Perhaps I possess elegance with
    my undeclared language,
    -^^^
    Great! Undeclared suggests nuances of independence, as in you are undeclared for any person

    that might probably clarify why
    my irrational heart is plucking
    a further harmony,
    inevitably...
    -^^^
    Yes, that twitterpated heart just will not let you alone, will it? ;-)

    And this season I am hunger for company,
    -^^^
    *drop the 'And' *hungry

    as my senses starve for their plain dreams
    -^^^
    wonderful: the senses are overloaded, need stabilizing

    from a solo cry in awful need
    of defeating this pitiful lonesome
    that still chants about attention...

    even after the season is gone .
    -^^^
    Season for companionship, season for love?

    great work

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