Underwater

This is Excellent, I saw newt poems, but I went for the sad one, as you know :).
However I think I made the right choice, this was deep, was well structured...the word choice was right in place, and it hit home for me, I read it twice, and just felt like being in a forest alone..to have a think about life..

inspiring piece, however you must edit the punctuation, it drove me mad in the opening parts that I reread to get the point.. if u dont mind..id suggest this :

compare them :

Lain in state undead
I watch water surface,
a flowing mirror reflecting
silent non-sleeper ground
level, head above orbiting
greater minds more sensitive
than what was ever my plight
or privilege to know.

Head turned downstream
by infernal current, blind to
dreams of petrification,
the body, unpaid corkage
bobs and grinds along rocks
gaining newfound recognition
as skin is shorn, flesh peeled
bits of soul uploaded; rejected.

Enter deeper streams merged
into rivers popular with social
gills, feeding urges borne not
of needs but simply cruel want,
frontal attacks behind smiling
piscine jaws rending heart, guts,
trust and other vital organs;
bed still takes pound of flesh.

Why wait for such an end?
Better release the remnant
essence to the tide, let cosmos
reabsorb shell with its atma,
start over the next incarnation,
but no, even the most bitter life
brings its share to the table
so feed on, demons, this one
(remains).