Unforgotten Night

by Joseph Boadi   Jul 6, 2011


When the eighth day dawned we stood
Looking into each others eyes in a pensive mood
As promises flew through our lips
And our hands caressing each other with such tight gribs
I leave but yet to return
Even though our parting makes my heart burn
In my palm has my deceased mothers ring
Take it keep it so close to your heart like a tight guitar string
His horse instinctively tossed its head
Not for long my pearl he said
And as the cold wind of departure blew
He vaulted his horse and away he flew
Its being twenty years since his name i heard
Now i weep to see him lie in deaths bed
He lives in my memories
His ring still lingers on my index finger and there it would be for centuries

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by RainbowSlider

    I love the story of these rings.

  • 12 years ago

    by lonerbabe

    Good choice of words touching and sweet ur really good keep writing coz ur so unqie and creative with ur poems :)

  • 12 years ago

    by nouriguess

    I agree with Jenni. She said few right things.

    other than the rhymes, I didn't really think that the punctuation is well-placed, you didn't capitalize your "i"s, and some commas were needed too.

    but it was a good piece, made me feel warm! :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni

    Want to know what got me here? It was the title you chose for the poem. It's mysterious and got me curious. That curiousity had to be satisfied by reading your piece. I do not think that the title tells too much and i think it fits really well.

    The rhymes itself aren't too obvious and well chosen, though the flow could be better. If it was more continious it would make the rhymes even better.
    Maybe you purposely interrupted the flow because it fit to the substance, if that is the case I may take my word back. ;)

    I like your choice of words and the way you tell the story. I was able to follow what you said and build up an imagination. To me the ending wasn't predictable, which is always good. All in all i think this poem is good.

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