On the Broken Train

by Jessie   Sep 4, 2011


I'm on this train again,
moving forward with no stopping
speeding faster, farther
gaining momentum.
I am stuck, with no way off

the wooden stakes we drive upon
are rotten and dying,
Drive one through my heart,
it wont be the first time.
Just like I, everything is falling apart

lurching has caused me to fall,
collision of my head to something hard
I feel the pain, but that is normal
dizziness overwhelming
Ill say hello to the fetal position. Tears.

Everything is missing
just I and the floor of this monster
crawl to the edge and peer over
the rails taunt me with their speech
"You are broken, not I"

Loss of air in my lungs, suffoctaing
knuckles spill crimson as they hold tight
It would be so easy to let go.
just jump off this train called Life
let it continue on without me.

Cannot fall into the past,
we left if at the last station,
just hold on tight to this broken train
allow tears to blow away in the wind
Maybe one day it will stop.

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    This appears like one big metaphor; a broken train being the description for one's life, one which they cannot currently control.

    "lurching has caused me to fall,
    collision of my head to something hard
    I feel the pain, but that is normal
    dizziness overwhelming
    Ill say hello to the fetal position. Tears."

    ^^ This stanza was particularly effective in conveying that this is not something that's new to the persona. The description on pain not being a new feeling makes the reader think the person's life has been dwindling for a while, and this is a mere other bump in the road (possibly putting that lightly!) Also the "I'll say hello..." line also reiterates that this is not something new; the person greets the fetal position as if it is a friend.

    A very interesting piece.

  • 12 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I was intrigued by the title which seemed farely simple but I had a little forseight that this would be really good and I WAS RIGHT
    This piece was really well worded, it just flowed well and had so much great imagery that really spoke to the reader
    and the message and ideas were really good too, maybe not original, but they spoke in a way that was really thought out.

    A great piece
    Love
    Tara

  • 12 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    I loved your choice of words and how it flowed well......this is a great piece jessie..
    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    I loved your choice of words and how it flowed well......this is a great piece jessie..
    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Teliah Kathleen

    I absolutly loved it :)
    it described the way i have been feeling and its just great :D

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