Solitude

It's drizzling and foggy
as I walk these lonely roads,
that I know better than anyone.
There is no sound,
only me breathing
and the steps I take.

Captured in my inner self,
suffering.

Why is my heart now
filled with this heaviness,
that I used to banish?
Me and solitude unite,
the only friend I once
abandoned..

I thought I locked the doors
so that I may never return.

I stiffen and get creeps
as this familiar doubt
suspenses in mid-air
and welcomes me home.

Showing memories I
refused to see.

I tried to reject,
tried so hard not to
give in, but anxiety
took over and I feel
my eyes getting blank,
careless and my heart
shading.

I surrender to the darkness
that surrounds me.

His name resounds
in my head; making
my heart shrug and
a tear falls..
because I remember
how hurt he'd be
to see me like this.

Would he even realize
it's his behavior?

I suppress my fears
and think of him,
while I leave this
lonely path, that I will
end up visiting now and then;
when he's not around to
remind me of what I have

I fear losing it all..