Happy Pills

Despair clucthes, his grip slowly tightening
His fingers becoming my own special noose
Day turns into night, night turns into day
and yet, all I can see is constant darkness

Time to get up and go, so many things to be done
Pop another pill, wont that just make it all better
Oh, maybe I'll have two, double up the dose
After all, it's all only supposed to help, right?

Maybe this is just a temporary solution, perhaps
A means to fix something insde, that I never knew was broken
And I care so much, so much about that little boy
Yet..something inside grows even darker

It's not supposed to be this way, never planned for this
And yet, yet..I would die for him..how does this make sense?
It doesn't, none of it does anymore..how terribly confusing
If only..if only things had gone as originally planned.

And then
I wouldn't
Feel this
way.

**Not Really A Poem, Just Some Thoughts On My Struggle With Post Natal Depression.**