Nostalgic Sense of Humor

"I had your eyes hunting
every place I ran to,
though wrapped my
wholesome with a nostalgic
sense of humor...
but it wasn't that funny
believe me."

^^^I'm wondering if you meant to type haunting instead of hunting. I think haunting would fit much better in this stanza. Aside from that, I really do believe that you cut your lines perfectly. What I mean by that is instead of writing (for example) The dog went to the park" you write
"The dog,
trudged,
gathering his sentiments." I know you probably wouldn't write about a dog, but for the sake of an example, that's all I could think of in this short notice. The way you chop things up makes me think you're being hesistant, you're confused. (And reading through the rest of the poem, that's what you potray.

"I tried hence to give up,
to read the motives behind
those black pupils of yours.
Alas I failed to understand a
single hint at your
shimmering windows
that seldom opened
for my eagerness
that wanted to sneak
time and time again deep
into your soul."

^^^I really like the idea of these first three lines, but I don't like how causual it is. Maybe that's what you meant to do, though. The casualness could symbolize how close you were to this person before. ON A DIFFERENT NOTE. "Alas I failed to understand a single hint at your shimmering windows" (and the rest of the lines in that stanza, I got to lazy to type the rest.)ARE MY FAVORITE LINES IN THE ENTIRE POEM. Wow. I love the metaphor about shimmering windows that are seldom open. Your diction is perfect. Seldom, I love that word here. Eagerness. Sneak. All of these words create wonderous imagery in my head. I love it!

"I slept that night with
visions eating up the hours
of peace, strangling the
few lanes I take so that I
breathe easily..."

^^^"visions eating up the hours of peace"<--- The personification here is wonderous. Again, the way you chop up your stanzas is beautiful, breathtaking, marvelous.

"However I'd like you
to know that my dreams
are always deep,
and that night when I
slept

I dreamed of all the answers
I sought...so you can as well
stop hunting me
.
.
No

I don't want us back together."

^^^This is a very intriguing way to end your poem. I really wish that it were longer. Maybe you should stop writing poems and write a book about your life so I can stop being so curious. Just kidding. These last stanzas are very mysterious, just like what this person is to you is potryed. I just really like it. I can't say anything else.

:)
5/5
Keep writing,
Erna

Try and ring me if you can, your pm doesnt seem to be working lol

Your words showed great compression!!

I mean, it sounds like you're under his spell, cursed, and can't get rid of the haunting memories... oh, that's so spooky.