Dusk sometimes settles in my mind
altering my visions of you and
rearranging my thoughts while
karma tumbles like petals upon a dying rose
Realizing time brings nothing more than-
insecurities lurking in shadows and a
sweetness that only exists within
incomplete sentences and mixed metaphors.
Never will I settle for a mediocre happiness
gnawing at the sunlight.
Larry & Hellon's main forum, formed poetry contest*
You know I never picked you in the contest, really I had no idea which surprises me because sometimes I find elements of my work in yours, we tend to think alike in regards to a lot of things, I think it's because we have such a similar nature.
With this poem, this was one of the ones in the contest that I went damn ... was a gorgeous acrostic. I loved how it flowed together from one line to the next, that's my sort of acrostic! The title was an interesting one too, very fitting for the poem.
I loved the idea of dusk settling within your mind, what the hell momma bear lol who thinks of such. It reminds me of the saying dust settles and I always imagine dust being the red dust you see ... so here I imagined red dust falling from the sky (weird huh) but this can be seen in so many ways. I guess the imagery is up to the reader.
I don't have much to say about this piece in regards to constructive changes, the one thing I can point out though is I didn't feel the (-) was needed... simply because you had that elegant flow without it. You didn't need the pause.
"sweetness that only exists within
incomplete sentences and mixed metaphors"
I loved this, the concept here is amazing. The idea of sweetness being unseen, they way it could of been there but somehow it got lost... The way sweetness is in those mixed metaphors that we pen but never really speak.
Such an amazing poem, well done on winning this challenge. You rocked it.