The Haunting

by Lioness   Mar 18, 2012


Taunting, isn't it?

Being unaided in
the darkest hour
while unknown
voices screech
from the walls
that bleed
red poison.

Like nails
on a blackboard.

Haunting, isn't it?

The howling
sounds that emit
from the distance
which seems to be
getting closer
with every thump
of your heart.

Do you notice
the dark shadow
that is hovering
and slowly making
its way to your very
core.

Does the hair
stick up at the
back of your neck
when the silhouette
passes through your
body and you
begin to shake
with fear.

Can you feel
the goose bumps
invade your body
as though it was
a cold winters day.

You begin
to doubt
your own sanity
and plead that
what is happening,
is not real.

But deep down
you know that
it is.

2


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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by Ms Happiness

    I liked how u wrote this poem, and how made the reader just get in to it, and relate to in many different ways:)
    Great poem liz, I love it:)

  • 10 years ago

    by Steven Croat

    "Can you feel
    the goose bumps
    invade your body"

    Yes, I felt it!This is a great poem!
    It's tone is stange and cold ,but magicaly...

    Steven

  • 10 years ago

    by Ronel McCarthy

    Great techniques used-assonance and similes are powerful. This is beautiful ! :)

  • 10 years ago

    by Decayed

    The howling
    sounds that emit
    from the distance
    which seems to be
    getting closer
    with every thump
    of your heart.

    ^ I suggest you make it this way: The howling from a distance seems to get closer with every thump of your heart. (I think this way, the flow wouldn't be killed in this stanza specifically).

    ----
    So let's now dissect your goosebump-ing piece!

    The Haunting

    ^ you know, this what caught my sight first. I mean... such titles with their obscurity can be really magnetizing.

    Taunting, isn't it?

    ^ I like when poets start their poems with questions. They make me yearn madly to continue, and especially that taunting rhymes with haunting, I was allured more.

    Being unaided in
    the darkest hour
    while unknown
    voices screech
    from the walls
    that bleed
    red poison.

    ^ I can sense from the opening that it's about OCD... "unknown voices screech from the walls" .. as if you're saying the voices haunt you. And comparing the poison to being red sets a dense image in my head.. spooky!

    Like nails
    on a blackboard.

    ^ I think this is my favorite part!! but shouldn't the preposition be 'against' instead of 'on'?

    Do you notice
    the dark shadow
    that is hovering
    and slowly making
    its way to your very
    core.

    ^ Again, I really love how questions can send those vibes of being petrified.. I can now walk in your shoes. really love the tension you're trying to build.. with such a style.

    Does the hair
    stick up at the
    back of your neck

    ^ I like this... those are goosebumps! I'm really sucked into this, from head to toe.

    Can you feel
    the goose bumps
    invade your body

    ^ honestly.. I think those three lines do not say anything new.. so I suggest you remove them and just paste the: "as though it was
    a cold winters day." ...after... "with fear"

    You begin
    to doubt
    your own sanity
    and plead that
    what is happening,
    is not real.

    ^ This is my second best stanza! I love the intermixing of the questions method.. and beginning to speak to us!

    But deep down
    you know that
    it is.

    ^ Those words sum up the title: The Haunting..

    Liz, you really nailed this write. Kudos to you..

  • 10 years ago

    by Jenna Bella Oldridge

    Liz,

    Another great piece by you. I think this piece is really chilling and puts the reader on edge. The atmosphere in the poem is really creepy and it has all the tension on a horror movie.

    5/5

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