Broken ghost

by marlon lumangyao   Apr 16, 2012


I move closely
as you close your eyes,
in your hand a picture of me
with you at the eastern sunrise.

i shed your sour tears
with my transparent cold hands,
i did kiss your red lips
but the current has gone.

fate was cruel for us,
my destiny comes to a period.
is it greediness if i ask
for one more chance to
live again with you?

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by marlon lumangyao

    Hehehe mistake again.....thank you very much!!
    did not notice that....

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    "I move closely
    as you close your eyes,"
    Good start. Really intense and intimate..

    "in your hand a picture of me
    with you at the eastern sunrise."
    Great imagery and word choice

    "i shed your sour tears
    with my transparent cold hands,
    i did kiss your red lips
    but the current has gone."
    Wow..

    "fate was cruel for us,
    my destiny comes to a period."
    Really thought-provoking. Perhaps you've stopped trying and finally gave up when you lost her..

    "is it greediness if ask
    one more chance to
    live again with you?"
    Add 'I' between if and ask.
    The ending is my favorite part.. Very sad. Hopeful and hopeless at the same time.

    I like that your perspective was that of a ghost--an essence of someone who died. Really interesting piece. 5/5 Keep writing :)

    -X