When I Look In The Mirror

by Maria Chatziilia   May 28, 2012

When I look in the mirror, I think it talks
An empty room filled with silence and clocks
When I look in the mirror, I don't like what I see,
because I realize everyone is prettier than me.

My eyes are slanted, my legs short, my nose is big,
I tell myself I need to lose weight because I'm a pig.
Looking back when I was thin, how did I get like this?
I used to be happy back then when life was such a bliss.

My twisted mind longs for blood, I need to feel pain,
so I grab my razor and cut myself, hoping I'll hit a vein.
I wish someone would stop me from hurting myself,
tell me it will be alright and help me find my old self.

I can't control what has taken over me,sweet self-harm
It's all over my body, my thighs, my stomach, my arm.
Hiding the scars under long sleeves, faking smiles,
trying to find comfort in online chatting, despite the miles.

People say I should stop because what I'm doing is wrong,
but they don't realize I have been strong for far too long.
I'm so tired of being everyone's buddy and wonderwall,
now it's my turn to ask for someone to catch me when I fall.

I am used to people calling me weird, stupid and stange,
But they don't know I cry myself to sleep, hoping for a change.
It all comes down to me in the end, I'm the one to blame,
I still remember the day I realized nothing would be the same.

When I look in the mirror, I just want to disappear
I don't think I'll live to see my birthday next year.
When I look in the mirror, I really hate what I see,
and I hate the fact that a fat whale, is all I'll ever be.

Now, I disgust myself, I don't like my body anymore.
Here I am, holding my razor again, sobbing on the floor.
Their painful words hurt me more than I'll ever show,
but they won't ask about my scars 'cause they'll never know.

I wish I could find the courage to take my own life.
Maybe I should hang myself or better use a sharp knife.
Maybe they will notice that I'm gone or maybe not,
maybe they hated me more than I ever thought.

And if any of you cared about me, please don't cry
I'm not leaving you, this isn't the last goodbye.
If God does exist, i'll take care of you from up there,
Forgive me for giving up too soon, but life isn't fair.


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