Alone?

by Lioness   Jul 17, 2012


I curled up in bed between
my sheets and the moonlight
hoping my eyes would rest
with my heart,

but something is stirring
beneath the wooden
staircase which my
ears just simply can't
ignore.

Creeks are masked by a
pouring of classical music
which hums beneath
my bedroom floor.

I hear whispers and chatter
that deepens with every
moment, realising
that the thuds are coming
from inside this century
old house.

The sounds draw close
and I know that my
mind is not playing
tricks with me.

My heart becomes stricken
with fear, so I cover myself
hoping the blanket would
shield me from these
unknown entities...

just long enough for me to
fall into my slumber.

I should be alone,

but it appears that
I'm not.

****************************************
Written for a club contest. Prompt was "Ghosts". I wrote this based on my sisters account of true events that happened in our family home. She was home by herself and started to hear classical music coming from downstairs (near my old room). A few days later my other sister and I were walking our dog and we walked by our neighbours house and he was outside the front - we had said hello. He had asked us if we were the ones that were living in the old house down the street (described our place) and we said yes. He said that he had lived here for a while and they used to have ballroom dancing in the lower floor of the house (which is my bedroom). We freaked out and told my sister and realised that's what she probably heard. Awesome.

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Britt

    The ending gave me absolute goosebumps, ahh! You have such a beautiful and eerie build up, it could have been anything really but the classical music as well as the story in the end.. whoa. I've read this a few times now and get the chills every time!

  • 13 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "Hoping my eyes would rest with my heart."

    Can I just say how much I frikken love this line? I'm in love with it. It's beautifully written and filled with so much raw emotion in so few words.

    I adore your use of 'classical music' as I find it to add such a melancholy tone to the piece and that in turns again adds to the emotion behinds the words.

    "The sounds draw close
    and I know that my
    mind is not playing
    tricks with me."

    I can't make my mind up on this. It -does- have power behind the words and yet..I find it somewhat weaker than the rest. Reword, maybe?

    I LOVE the next stanza, it reminds me of when I was a child..I think everyone can relate to this..hearing things that go bump in the night and hiding beneath the quilt thinking this is enough to keep you safe. This also adds so much innocence to the piece for me, -because- of the fact it recaptures childhood.

    I adore the closing lines also. You close on a powerful note while at the same time leave the ending open for the reader to interpretate as they wish, and I do love pieces that allow me to do this.

    Love it.

  • 13 years ago

    by Unknown

    I absolutely love to hear ghost stories! <3
    That is insane that they used to hold ballroom dances and your sister heard classical music. Ahhh, creepy!

    You captured so much imagery in this write. I envisioned a movie playing while I was reading this and I could just feel your fear. Love it, Liz!

  • 13 years ago

    by L

    My heart becomes stricken
    with fear, so I cover myself
    hoping the blanket would
    shield me from these
    unknown entities...

    -- this stanza reminded of the times when I used to hide under my blanket when I was scared... but now that I think about it, why do we think that the blanket would protect us? aren't ghost supposed to be invisible.. and they can go between the walls and sheets.. too.

    It gave me chills when I was reading the poem, and also the image of someone hiding under the blanket was so vivid.

    and the ending too " I should be alone, but it appears that I'm not." that adds a chilly atmosphere to the poem and as I was reading that part, I picture someone looking from left to right to see if she can see anything, other than herself.

  • 13 years ago

    by Xanthe

    Liz, I've been wanting to comment on this. It's awesome - especially how you said that in the message below haha. That really made me laugh.

    "I curled up in bed between
    my sheets and the moonlight
    hoping my eyes would rest
    with my heart,"

    Really beautiful opening. It pulled me in to read this with your simple and lovely choice of words. I love how you tied together curling up in the sheets and the moonlight. Great imagery you produced in my head!

    "but something is stirring
    beneath the wooden
    staircase which my
    ears just simply can't
    ignore."

    This is creepy.. I wasn't so sure about 'beneath' since it means underneath or below. I was thinking of a creaking stairs because someone (a ghost, perhaps) is atop or above instead of beneath it. Or it could just be me lol.
    The use of two adverbs (just, simply) kind of weakened and disrupted the flow, so I suggest you remove one, since it is redundant..?

    "Creeks are masked by a
    pouring of classical music
    which hums beneath
    my bedroom floor."

    I love classical music! The imagery that emanates from this stanza is excellent. I thought the weird creeking stairs was scary, but classical music? I'd love to live in that house haha!

    The transition of events - hearing whispers, knowing that the house is haunted, feeling fear, hiding beneath the blanket - all flowed so smoothly.
    It is everything we don't want to happen to us in a haunted house. It's like the ghosts/memories of them are coming alive at night, and the persona is witnessing them come alive again. You penned that so well. It's so easy to imagine all of those happening!

    "I should be alone,
    but it appears that
    I'm not."

    I love the ending; it is a creepy revelation which worked wonderfully.
    Keep writing :)

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