Elixir

Xanthe,

I love the whole concept of this, I love how you always take a challenge and make it morph into something pure and raw. I have to admit that I can't do this. I always write silly, pointless poery when I'm challenged.
-.- Seriously, share some talent.
That being said, I have some criticism here and there. Only because I think this is a brilliant piece.

The sun has been residing
within my mind this season.
Days are growing colder,
nights don't seem to end.

'You look at me with the
same smile; I see coffee
seething within your eyes,
trying to bring comfort.'
^I love what you have here. Simple wording, deep image and a simile in-between. Creative but the wrong use of punctuation and pronouns just blew me off.
Check out this edited one:
'You look at me with the
same smile - coffee
seething within your eyes
for comfort.'
I feel you could avoid some fillers this way and it flows much better. What think ye?
I love the word 'coffee', the sound of it is damn sexy. Haha.

'I tried to find repose underneath
chartreuse blankets you covered
me with; reclining deeper into
cushions, thinking I'd be safer
and farther that way, as I watched
you carry a bottle of what seemed
like some witch's potion bubbling

inside.'

My fav here.
But punctuation is my pet peeve and it's killing me. Ah. Too many commas and I stopped every moment I feel.
I would drop the 'you coevered me with'. I'm sorry if this poem is personal to you and I'm chopping it to stanzas and criticize it. Just tell me and I'll edit my comment. :)
I love the use of bottles. You've been using this word so much recently. Everytime in a different way and to serve a different meaning. I love you.
And the witch potion bubbling is creepy, eerie and original.

You keep writing, cutie pie. :)

I absolutely love this! The first stanza was my fav. I love the idea that darkness has taken over that you never get to see the light.

Awesome peom!

x

Cool! ;D

The sun has been residing
within my mind this season.
Days are growing colder,
nights don't seem to end.

- great opening because you drew me in with the fact I could relate to the emotion you have set. such loneliness and a depression and it makes me want to know why. Also you have opened in a very fast flow which is easy to read and makes you flow quickly to the following stanza.

You look at me with the
same smile; I see coffee
seething within your eyes,
trying to bring comfort.

- again you have kept the flow. You can clearly picture the look you are describing from this other person and you begin to wonder about what the relationship between you both is.

But it seems change has taken
over where your eyes used to be.

- I have never heard these lines before and I think it is something so many of us could say about someone else.

I tried to find repose underneath
chartreuse blankets you covered
me with; reclining deeper into
cushions, thinking I'd be safer
and farther that way, as I watched
you carry a bottle of what seemed
like some witch's potion bubbling

inside.

- oh, this makes it very interesting by adding the potion in. Very good choice. I would suggest you change the word 'carry' to carried because you have wrote this scene in the past tense and not the present.

For the first time, I realize
I'm begging for sleep to come-
if only to escape from this dream.

- such a desperate feeling of which I am sure many can relate to. Good strong way to close the poem.

(I never asked you to cure me.)

- Loved this extra line added onto the end, brings such a powerful effect to end the poem with and I think this will be the line that sticks with me.

Great work.

Yaaaa, I loved this one and I think this is the one I voted for in the challenge.

Amazing piece.