She stands there waiting with a knife ready
Behind her back, slowly fraying the ribbon
Of her once lovely corset. Blood running down
The thin, sharp blade onto the midnight
the white rabbit showed no sign of fear.
His teeth bare like razor sharp daggers
Engraved with blood lust. His hair
Shone of crimson blood not only
Of his own. His eyes filled with
Deceit and rage.
He bared his teeth and jumped forward
eager to taste her sweet blood. She jumped
Out of the way and plunged the knife into his
Huge chest. Alice let out a sigh of relief as he
Plummeted to the bare ground.
The white rabbit let out a low grunt.
Bringing an end to her adventure.
I like the idea of twisted fairytales as they bring a dark picture to mind. You always seem to leave the mind to imagine what is playing out in each of your poems. The knife is almost one of the darkest things you can write about. I like how you start out as in saying this girl has a secret to hide and she does really. The knife is a real deadly object that really only causes pain and hurt. The details are great. The blood racing down the knife means she has already hurt or killed someone. I also love the corset mention. A flower is such a sweet thing and its the only light in this poem.
I like how you make the white rabbit as the other character because if you know Alice in wonderland well the rabbit it a cautious and sweet. I like how he has a dark side here so opposite from the real story. The details you give to him are great really. There is something very unique about writing dark things you can get so creative in so many ways. The ending is great because I think this is the end and it is. What I mean it as the reader you wouldn't think that this is thefinal test for aAlice like killing this rabbit will take her home. You have done such a great job taking the reader's on a journry. Xx 5