Attempting

by Dawn   Sep 15, 2012


I'm nearly sure that I live within those
heavy rhythms, the beats unknown that yet
I can't name them without counting on my
fingers, they're a wonderful home of
mine. Maybe the assurance will make the
harsh curses you mutter along with them
sting a little less. I'll cover up in
my empty bed again and replay that
same song, that sends chills up into my core.

It's your anthem; perhaps a bit cliche.

And I'll give my greatest effort to make
links, tracing a finger along the map
of your expansive mind, trying to see,
struggling to believe that you think of me
that way. How can these heavy hearted rhymes
spin like golden thread from supposed loose
copper? You are an enigma that is
forever running his mouth, no longer
needing the exercise on your weary
calves. It's a new sight for their judging eyes.

I saw your ring finger the other night.
It was your wedding pledge to the torn game.

"Spaz with a pen." you repeated, lightly
dousing your lips with more biting words. I
never wish to be the receiving side.
unfortunately it's too late to hope.

Are we finally walking together?

The lyrics across your spreadsheet scream yes.

( I have no clue what I did here. Every line should have 10 syllables. I don't know why 10. )

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Maalouf

    Hi

    I lark your Poem

  • 13 years ago

    by Melpomene

    "Spaz with a pen" a reference to Eminem?

    Once I read this line I started to feel like this poem was a dedication to the rapper and when I began this poem from from the start I was 100 percent sure. You speak of harsh curses, heavy rhymes and the running of the mouth which of course to someone like me who listens to Eminem on a daily basis, it's all quite clear.

    I am fond of this piece because of the connections you made between yourself and the musician. I get lost within his words and a lot of people don't see how amazing he is at writing poetry, after all that is what his raps are. Poetry. I guess he's just a harder style of poet with the quick paced flows and harsh language but he still deserves that title.

    "How can these heavy hearted rhymes
    spin like golden thread from supposed loose
    copper? "

    I really love this. This was all you and all your own style. Wonderful poem.

    Mel

  • 13 years ago

    by L

    Hi, great poem
    Since in the note it says that you focused on syllables, I just wanted to say that I checked the syllables and in the following lines, I counted not 10. Just in two lines.

    " It's your anthem; however cliche it seems."

    I counted 11

    "spin like golden thread from supposed loose"

    and on this one I counted 9.

    Other than that, you did wonderful. 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Britt

    This is absolutely gorgeous poetry. I have been sitting here trying to think of a proper comment and really I just can't.

    That ending, the lyrics screaming. It reminded me of the writing love on her arms thing that is/was so popular. Love the wedding pledge, too. AHH so much love.

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