Free (Senryu)

Typo: "than" = "then"

The poem lacks story. "If I was born free" - where's the follow up? Should the reader relate itself to the bird/speaker? And if so, where's the story. All we've gathered so far is the assumption of freedom, and the decline of spirit. I know the format does not allow more words, but that's the challenge. Being blunt and banal does not make it "poetic" or "creative. Also the second line does not have any clear connection with the whole poem. First, there's an image of birth, probably the "essence" of the speaker, the bird, then we go to the second line talking about action, application. It did not flow nicely. "broken winged spirit" - the image itself is broken. Either it is too abstract, cliche, or distasteful. How many times has "broken spirit" been used? Or broken wing, when in the subject of birds..?

I'm curious to know what the objective of this poem is. A mixture of thoughts and words cannot simply translate into a feeling. What most readers do is create a story from a feeling. And I believe to appreciate this, one must step outside of the poem and allow oneself to create it. In such case, it becomes the reader's job and not the poet.

Everybody falls, even the strongest of people have to fall in order to see how far they are able to fly up, then look down and see how far they flew.

Nice poem xx

This sooo amazing, the meaning of this poem is great.
Awesome job:)